Writing love: A woman called Happiness

Balatarin
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John
by John
23-Aug-2009
 

For the Writing Love series.

One hot summer day, to be precise, one Friday the thirteenth of August, at about a quarter to three in the afternoon, I fell in love.

Three years of unemployment had robbed me of self-confidence and self-respect, but I had enrolled in a college program with the goal of acquiring a new job skill. It was the first day of classes and I found myself the lone Canadian-born student in a class of people from China, India, Pakistan, Haiti… and one intriguing- looking woman who said that she was from Iran.  She introduced herself to the class as “Shadab, but you can call me Shadi”.  The shape of her face, the colour of her complexion and the way that she carried herself with such pride and awareness were all new to me. She immediately seared herself into my consciousness, perhaps into my soul.  And, just imagine, I hadn’t yet been smitten by the honey-drenched sound of her voice, with its delightful overtones of the exotic East, or by the occasional endearing “vaht” instead of “what” and “estop” instead of “stop”.

She sat in the front row and I sat in the back row and, if I’m honest, I’ll admit that I spent much more time watching the back of her head and thinking about her than I did looking at the teacher’s blackboard scribblings. In between the lectures about credits and debits, and assets and liabilities, the sound of her unrestrained laughter brought life to the entire class, and I knew that I had to find some way to manoeuvre my way into her orbit.

Whenever possible I managed to choose her as my work partner. Once I cleverly devised a class presentation that required her participation with me. We miraculously ended up doing group projects together. We sometimes shared her snacks, although she has since told me that when she offered me her slice of pineapple one day it was actually only taaroff, a concept with which I was unfamiliar at the time, and that she was slightly miffed when I ate it. I would offer to drive her to the Métro station on cold or snowy days, and sometimes she would accept.

Then, quite unexpectedly, I was faced with one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I received an offer of a good job, but if I quit school to take the job then I would have to give up building this relationship.  By this time I knew that this woman was destined to be part of my life, and the same fate that had caused her to emigrate and which had caused us to enrol in the same academic program also provided the answer to my dilemma in the form of a ballroom dancing course that was being offered by the school. We signed up as a couple and the weekly lessons provided us with the opportunity to slowly build a solid friendship that has developed into a very happy relationship.

This woman called Happiness has enriched my life tremendously. The sum total of my knowledge of, and exposure to, Iran, Persia and Farsi prior to meeting her consisted of what I had learned in my grade 10 World History class, which was Darius, Xerxes and few classic battles. Now I follow the news from Iran, I’ve read the Shahnameh and I have laughed myself to tears with Dai Jan. I know hundreds of Farsi words and phrases, most of which I can pronounce correctly, and I’m looking forward to the day that I visit Iran to see its wonders firsthand. For this education, and for your spirit and exuberance for life and for everything that you have given to me, thank you so much.

Balatarin
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John

No longer clumsy

by John on Tue Aug 25, 2009 08:15 PM PDT

The clumsy phase passed relatively quickly, and now I really enjoy dancing.  As you hinted at, all men should learn to dance because almost all women enjoy dancing and it pays to keep her happy!

Montreal Canada is home.


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Anonymouse

John so I take it

by Anonymouse on Tue Aug 25, 2009 04:37 PM PDT

John so I take it you're no longer a clumsy credit and debit guy and by now after many years of practice are now a fully qualified ball room dancer?! Good for you! 

See your partner was smart, she saw that in you and I can't tell who is happier now, you or her ;-)  I am certain it is any woman's dream to have a partner who'd take her out dancing.  Now if the partner takes her ballroom dancing or 2-step (if you're in Texas ;-) then there can be no more arguments!  That can be your ace.  You can tell her since you're going ballroom dancing then you don't see any reason for any kind of arguments, none-what-so-ever!

By the way, before you met her what part of country were you raised in? 

Everything is sacred.


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John

Anonymouse - ballroom dancing explained

by John on Tue Aug 25, 2009 01:08 PM PDT

That a life-long hater of dancing such as me would take a dancing course is an indication of the level of determination and resolve that I felt about not giving up on what I thought could be my dream relationship.

As it turned out, a ballroom dancing course was just what the doctor ordered because for 90 minutes each Saturday I could stare into her eyes, hold her right hand in my left, and place my right hand on her waist, all without worrying about whether or not I was behaving inappropriately or too aggressively.  We had many opportunities to laugh at our beginner-level errors and at my second left foot occasionally stepping on her toes, and we had many opportunities to talk and learn about each other during the lessons and while driving to and from the school.

We continue to take lessons and to dance in clubs, so I can heartily endorse the value of learning to dance. The cha-cha and merengue will take you far in life (fun, exercise, confidence-building), not to mention waltz, tango, samba, foxtrot and salsa.


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yolanda

del

by yolanda on Sun Aug 30, 2009 01:28 PM PDT

del


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Anonymouse

Nice story, indeed

by Anonymouse on Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:12 AM PDT

Nice story, indeed Iranian women are often intriguing-looking.  Tell us a little about the "ball room dancing" part!  Somehow the visualization of someone who was unemployed or underemployed for 3 years and then ended up taking classes about credits and debits does not seem like a man who'd have the moves for ballroom dancing!

The ballroom dancing part needs more elaboration ;-)  You sure it wasn't 2-step?! ;-)

Everything is sacred.


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ex programmer craig

Yolanda

by ex programmer craig on Tue Aug 25, 2009 08:10 AM PDT

Hi Yolanda :)

Gweilo is not that bad! Be very honest with you, people in Hong Kong use that word all the time, it is a high frequency word, it refers to a guy who is a foreigner.

People in Los Angeles use it all the time too! And that's  how I learned it didn't mean "foreigner", because my ex-wife told me it meant "foreigner" the first 5 or 6 times I asked her, and I kept saying "why would foreigners call me a foreigner in my own country!? makes no sense!" and she eventually admitted it didn't mean foreigner at all. And by the way, it is very specific to whites! I've never heard the word used for Indians, Afghans, Blacks, etc. Maybe the only foreigners in China used to be European whites, but that doesn't mean gweilo is "foreigner" :p

I lived in Hong Kong for 4 years, I heard gweilo a lot. Please relax, I believe it is nothing offensive.

Well, it is a bit offensive because my former father in law used to always correct the wait staff at restaurants when they would ask (in Cantonese) if the gweilo needed a knife and fork. But I never got upset about it because it's a kind of funny term and Chinese people are not really very racist, in my opinion. Also, it's not really an issue anymore because I've been divorced for years :)

Honestly, Yolanda, I hope I'm not coming acvross as claiming Chinese are racist! I've never encountered a less bigotted group of people, so if that's the impression I've been giving I apologize.

 


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yolanda

del

by yolanda on Sun Aug 30, 2009 01:29 PM PDT

del


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ex programmer craig

yolanda

by ex programmer craig on Mon Aug 24, 2009 07:22 PM PDT

Gweilo is a Cantonese word for foreigner.

Now you are just being polite! It means "white ghost" and it's somehwat derogatory! It's the first Cantonese word I learned :)


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yolanda

 del

by yolanda on Sun Aug 30, 2009 01:29 PM PDT

 del


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John

Thanks for the nice comments

by John on Mon Aug 24, 2009 06:53 PM PDT

Thanks to everyone for writing such nice comments about my true story.  You are correct Craig about finding someone who you are attracted to and making an effort to pursue him or her.  Doing this was probably the bravest thing that I've ever done, and the rewards for having done so have been tremendous.

One thing that I neglected to mention was that azizam has also introduced me to my new favourite food (ash e reshte) and to many other yummy Iranian dishes as well.


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ex programmer craig

yolanda

by ex programmer craig on Mon Aug 24, 2009 06:19 PM PDT

I guess it's possible I never saw the way people are to non-family, or never noticed it :)

BTW, I assumed you were hispanic! My ex ended up with a French first name when her family filled out the paperwork at immigration, so I guess I should know better than to make such assumptions, right?:o

Anyway, to get back to John's story, I really like the way he saw a woman he was attracted to and went for her! My story with my ex was very different... I was so cautious about being surrounded by Chinese people when i met her, I probably would have never even talked to her if she hadn't made the first move


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yolanda

del

by yolanda on Sun Aug 30, 2009 01:30 PM PDT

del


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ex programmer craig

Yolanda

by ex programmer craig on Mon Aug 24, 2009 05:51 PM PDT

I am 100% sure that Chinese have the tradition. They are still doing the "taaroff" stuff: refusing the offer back and forth to make sure it is a sincere offer.....at same time, I don't think you have offended anyone, just relax!

Dunno... I was married to a woman who grew up in China for 10 years, and half her very large family didn't even speak English! If they do that stuff, I never saw it! And also, if they do that stuff I surely must have offended a lot of them at some point in time, because I don't. But maybe they made exceptions for me for being a gweilo. But I don't think that's it either because they always made me take my shoes off when enterring the house. Anyway, I don't want to get into it too much because this is John's great story, but I'd be a bit careful about trying this "taaroff"stuff when it doubt! In some cultures it's considered rude to refuse an offer of hospitality. In fact, now that I think about it my ex-wife told me I not only had to accept the ox testicle soup her mother offerred me, I had to actually at least pretend to like it! Hmmm... actually, I am quite sure that the Chinese do not practice this taaroff... at least, not the Chinese here in Southern California. 


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yolanda

del

by yolanda on Sun Aug 30, 2009 01:31 PM PDT

del


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ex programmer craig

John

by ex programmer craig on Mon Aug 24, 2009 02:47 PM PDT

Great story! I admire the way you had the guts to pursue her, and I'm glad the story had a happy ending!:)

Yolanda, I'm not so sure teh Chinese have that tradition! If they do, I must have offended a lot of Chinese people over the years!

 


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yolanda

del

by yolanda on Sun Aug 30, 2009 01:32 PM PDT

del


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alborz

Yolanda - Taaroff is a ...

by alborz on Mon Aug 24, 2009 09:25 AM PDT

... is a Persian word for a courteous exchange between two people than may involve either "false offer" or "false response" to an offer. It is important to empahsize that this word only applies to situations where an act of hospitality is socially expected.  An example or two may illustrate this best.

When a someone offers you tea, tarroff requires you to refuse it initially even though you don't mind accepting the offer.  So after one or more rounds of insistance and refusal, you finally accept the offer. Had you accepted the offer initially, you would not have known whether the person offering you the tea was genuine in their offer or not. 

In the case of this story, it appears that the pineapple was offered and it was accepted without the confirmation that the offer was genuine.  Usually, in the exchange both the number of times the offer is made and how it is made will reveal whether it is genuine or out of a sense of social obligation.

In short, tarroff can be both a sign of modesty, hospitality and can also lead to much misunderstanding.  For example, imagine what would be thought of a host that made an offer of tea only once and never again if it was refused the first time.  This can become fodder for much gossip later.

Great story -

Alborz


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yolanda

A beautiful love story!

by yolanda on Mon Aug 24, 2009 08:40 AM PDT

Wow! It sounds like love at 1st sight! I am happy for you finding your Happiness! Thank you for sharing! You are super honest! One of the best articles I have read in this site!

P.S. I am obsessed with words. What does the word "taaroff" mean in the 4th paragraph? I looked up the word in the dictionary, but I can't find it. Is the word supposed to be "tradeoff" instead of "taaroff"?

 


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Multiple Personality Disorder

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

by Multiple Personality Disorder on Mon Aug 24, 2009 06:48 AM PDT

There are days like this that makes me believe in love again.


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Darius Kadivar

In Tribute to Your Happiness ;0)

by Darius Kadivar on Sun Aug 23, 2009 02:51 PM PDT

I Dream of Jeannie Pilot Episode:

Listen Carefully She speaks in Persian ... And Larry Hagmans says: "This Looks Like The Iranian Nights"

More Here:

I Dream of (A Persian) Jeannie By Darius KADIVAR

 


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Nazy Kaviani

Aaaaaaaah! Beautiful!

by Nazy Kaviani on Sun Aug 23, 2009 02:20 PM PDT

How very sweet! Thank you so much for sharing such a personal piece of your life with us. It's a great love story, familiar in so many ways, yet unique to you and the lucky woman named happiness.

Thank you John, this is great!


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Darius Kadivar

How Sweet ;0)

by Darius Kadivar on Sun Aug 23, 2009 01:59 PM PDT

John Jaan ;0)

What a Sweet And True Story.

Thanks for Sharing.

DK


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