All Moji Wanted Was a Good Iranian Wife!
Moji was one of us! He was a few years older than the rest of the guys but he fit right in. He was not the tallest or the most handsome guy in the group, but he was very generous and had a great sense of humor; the kind of man that women describe as their ideal mate! He would listen intently as the rest of us talk about our dates and our encounters with women, “Did she actually say that? Did she really do that?” He was always amazed at what the real world was like.
So when he finally decided to get married, he asked his parents in Tehran to find him a nice girl from the old neighborhood. He figured that being a nice guy living in the US with a good job and a place in the suburbs would be sufficient to attract the right woman!
His parents sent him the pictures and the descriptions of a few girls and he corresponded with some of them and at the end he settled on one, Mahtab. They exchanged letters and phone calls for several months and when Mahtab’s father told Moji over the phone, in a stern language that he could not keep calling her, he got the message and got his Iranian passport and went to Tehran to finalize the deal!
Moji came back from Iran all excited! He came to my place with some pictures and a few tapes. He honestly wanted my opinion about Mahtab. She looked great in the pictures and she danced seductively in the tapes! Moji asked me, “Can you believe this? A hot woman like this can be my wife?” I shook my head too! She looked great and wholesome, but I was looking at the other single women in the tape trying to find one for myself! It was like when you go to a Norooz party and they offer you sweets! You don’t know which one to choose!
They finally got married and after several months she arrived in the US. Moji was happy beyond himself. He had promised everyone a great party and he delivered on that. Friends and family were all there as Moji and Mahtab greeted us. She was hot! She danced all night and Moji tried to keep up. They danced to Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean and she even had the glove! That was when I first became worried!
I didn’t see Moji for a while and then out of nowhere, I ran into him at Googoosh concert and then at Moin concert. It looked like as if whenever there was an Iranian event in town, Moji and Mahtab were there. And I knew that Moji was not that kind of a person. It became clear to me that she was trying to “live the life” and he was just trying to keep up with his wife! He had not shown up at the practices and the guys were all asking about him. Everyone was laughing about how he was having an extended honeymoon, but I was worried about him.
Finally, one day, I ran into him at an Iranian restaurant. I was surprised to see that he had aged so much in a year or so, and his sideburns were all turned white. I asked him if everything was ok. He thought for a second and then looked deep into my eyes and started talking.
“What I wanted was a wife, a friend and a companion, but what I got is a woman who is trying to catch up and live the life that she has missed living in Iran! She wants to live like a teenager, going to every concert, every club and every event and I am trying to live like a family man! I don’t know for how long I can do this! Thank god she is pregnant. Maybe having a baby will change her, I hope.”
They had the baby and I did not see him for quite a while. He completely dropped out of the scene. Then I heard the sad news that they had divorced and he was heart broken.
Months later, I ran into her at a club. She was standing at the bar and a guy was buying her a drink. She waved at me. The guy got nervous. Maybe he thought that his investment in a couple of drinks is getting wasted. I said hi and asked about the kid. She said that her mom is babysitting for her. I turned around and left.
I have to say that I have always had mixed feelings about the “Iranian Green Card Brides” but I assumed that at the end it was for good and it was a way for some honest people to get into this country and do something with their lives, but I am not sure now.
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Farmaraz ,
by Soosan Khanoom on Sun Apr 10, 2011 06:59 PM PDTI say they should not really get married to one ... going to Iran and visiting family and friends is fine ..... but this is not going to work out once it comes to marriage ....... it is hard to meet each others expectations .....
Two different worlds .....
Some ideas
by Anahid Hojjati on Sun Apr 10, 2011 06:58 PM PDTFew ideas that I have about this issue and relationships in general: 1.Some Iranian ladies from Iran, because of all the "ejhaf" that they see from IRI, become a bit extreme in trying to maximize their own gains in the romantic relationhips sometimes with little or no disregard for the men.
2. People who have lived here for long time will usually have a hard time to get along in married life to those who have lived in Iran for long time. I see it in friends who have spent considerable amount of time in Iran during IRI that they have some "badamoozi" that sometimes they are not even aware of it. The longer they have lived in Iran after 1980, the harder it is for people to rid themselves from what they they have been brainwashed in Iran.
3. Marriage is difficult any way and even people who are not green card bride and groom, get divorced. It is best to get married to people who share your values, have common interests with you and have similar ideas bout romance. You can not have a successful relationship with a guy if they think it is Ok for them to flirt or play around but their significant other should worship them and not talk to guys, so both side have to be on same page.
سوسن خانوم
FaramarzSun Apr 10, 2011 06:50 PM PDT
من متوجه حرف شما نمیشم.
شما میگید که ایرانی های مقیم غرب با ایرانی های مقیم ایران هیچ کاری نداشته باشن؟
خیلی از ایرانی ها همش در حال رفتن به ایران هستن و دارای فامیلند و رابطه محکمی با ایران دارند. من فکر نمیکنم که اشکال اون باشه.
I know Faramarz jon
by Souri on Sun Apr 10, 2011 06:50 PM PDTand I have heard also some opposite stories, too. I've seen a lady who married an Iranian-American, but as soon as she got here, the guy started his bad behavior, going out and leaving her alone at home, playing at the casino, drinking......etc etc. After a few months together, he kicked her out of the house, while she still hasn't got her GC (don't know how this happened)
The lady went to the Mosque and slept at the Mosque. while she was crying all the time, some Iranians who were used to go to the Mosque, helped her. They gave her room and job. She worked hard and learned English and became a good hair dresser and now is living a good life in DC.
This is what I have seen myself, but I have heard many stories like this, too.
All in all, a long distance marriage is not a good option. This is not about being Iranian, man or woman. This is about : nashnaakhteh del baakhtan :)
سوری جان
FaramarzSun Apr 10, 2011 06:34 PM PDT
مجی بدبخت پنجاه سالش نبود!
حدود چهل سالش بود! قیافه اش هم معمولی بود، مثل خیلی ایرونی ها! آدم خانواده دوستی بود و زیاد تجربه در رابطه با جنس مخالف نداشت. زیاد هم اهل دیسکو و کنسرت این حرف ها نبود. دنبال یک زن ایرانی میگشت که نتنها بهش کمک کنه و بیاردش اینجا بلکه طرف درس بخونه و باسه خودش آدمی بشه.فقط چیزی رو که نمیدونست این بود که خیلی از این ملت رل بازی میکنن تا بیان اینجا و بعد چهره واقعیشون رو نشون میدن! مجی هم تا این مسائل رو فهمید صاحب یک بچه شده بود و داشت سعی میکرد زنشو از خر شیطون بیاره پایین ولی طرف توی یک دنیا دیگری بود!
Green Card Groom !
by Soosan Khanoom on Sun Apr 10, 2011 06:32 PM PDTThis is has also been a case for Iranian-American girls who marry someone from Iran. You can call them Green Card grooms then.......
But woman are more emotional and cannot make a joke out of it. They are basically ruined for the rest of their lives. But men ...... well ... they get over anything ... I guess
I personally think someone who has lived most of her or his life in the West hasn't much in common with people who live in Iran ..... As the result the chance for them to stayed married with these fresh out of the boat Iranians is too low ...... One should NOT risk it
Faramarz
by Souri on Sun Apr 10, 2011 06:03 PM PDTThe Bride's motivation was clear from the beginning. Isn't it?
What was Moji thinking ? That she marries him only to build a good and nice family? Who are we fooling here?
A 27 pretty and modernized girl marries a 50 some boy who is not among the most handsome, and with whom she had not any physical encounter, for what?
Moji loved the girl, the way she was.
Moji loved the way she was doing everything.
Moji was proud of her !
He played the game according the her rules, and he lost at the end.
Who is to blame here?
مرسی دیوانه جان، مرسی مش قاسم!
FaramarzSun Apr 10, 2011 04:37 PM PDT
من نمیدونم چرا بعضی ها زود از این مساله جوش میارن!
این رفیق ما که خودشو به این خانوم تحمیل نکرد! ایشون یک خانوم ۲۷ ساله بود
که از ته دل و با کمال میل و رغبت زن ایشون شد. بعد هم اومد کالیفرنیا وپس
از مدتی خوش گذرونی و گشت و گذار پدر این مرد رو در اورد!
حالاهم ما باید معذرت بخواهیم که به کسی بر نخوره! که چون این خانوم شوهر ۲۷ ساله در ایران پیدا نکرده!
It all depends on the Honey
by Mash Ghasem on Sun Apr 10, 2011 04:49 PM PDTGood Iranian honey, like Iranian carpet, just gets better by more using, sweeter that is, in tis case. The piece from Obaid was great. And they say they didn't have orgies in Iran, (there's actually that type of a custome in some areas), tashakor one and only majnon.
Farmarz jan, even the very good ones take a lot of time for adjustment, especially when the women starts making mor money than hubby. Around here the few I know seems to have worked it out, it took a while. Music was nice as usual, is Rhea still driving?
Yeap, the old man was right
by Souri on Sun Apr 10, 2011 02:39 PM PDTOnly he forgot to mention that when the honey is shared with others, it will be finished soon ! Then the Zahr-e-mar stays there for you to consume it alone ;-)
آن آقای مسن درست می گفت
divanehSun Apr 10, 2011 01:43 PM PDT
فرامرز جان این هم حکایتی از عبید زاکانی در تایید حرف آن آقای مسن.
شنیدم که در این روزها بزرگی زنی بدشکل و مستوره داشت. بطلاق از او خلاصی یافت و قحبه ای جمیله را در نکاح آورد. خاتون چنانکه عادت باشد صلای عام در داد. اورا منع کردند که زنی مستوره بگذاشتی و فاحشه اختیار کردی. آن بزرگ از کمال حلم و وقار فرمود که عقل ناقص شما بسر این حکمت نرسد حال آنکه من پیش از این گه می خوردم به تنها این زمان حلوا می خورم با هزار آدمی.
Lol Faramarz
by divaneh on Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:49 PM PDTLooking at the single women in the tape. That's what I do. But I will not go any further than that. I know too many people who like Moji have burned their fingers (or their lives). I think some of these girls come here with great expectations and some other are genuine but will have their expectations changed once moved to the West. Iranian diaspora has to accept that an Iranian man living in the West is as distant from a woman living in Iran as any other Western man. It's best to fish in the local pond.
p.s. That last comment about Rea crashing her car was very funny.
Rea
by Ari Siletz on Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:29 PM PDTAs for Moji. He seems confused as to what makes him happy. As long as that is the case, he will continue to do things to make hiself unhappier, hence "Poor Moji".
Merci Aynak
by Faramarz on Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:56 AM PDTI appreciate your kind words as usual. As they say, "It is not the man with the most toys that wins. It is the man with the most laughs!"
OK, I made that up!
Now, can anyone who lives near Croatia go and get Rea before she crashes her car into the wall!
Re: Marriage is a risky ....
by aynak on Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:27 AM PDTGood thing about Faramarz's posts is that I leave my inhibitions at the door, he shares honest unfiltered feelings, and it is only appropriate to return in kind. So one thing I have come to realize over the years:
While someone's beauty becomes ordinary over the years, same can not be said unfortunately if someone is ugly. I feel embarrassed to say it, as I know full well we have no control over the way we look. Although I know through interactions that average or even below average looking people have come to look a lot better and certainly very attaractive as I have come to know more about them. And the opposite. For sure, I have known very good looking people that have turned me off so much that their beauty got completely lost in their otherwise unattractiveness.
May we all have good dreams.
Love your stories Farmarz jaan, including the childhood ones
by Bavafa on Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:12 AM PDTKeep em coming.
Mehrdad
Faramarz Jan,
by aynak on Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:11 AM PDTLoved your story telling as usual, but it was a bit too short. The morning coffee has not even brewed, and the story over, still funny and witty, here's one line , among several that was helarious (I could certainly relate to):
"I shook my head too! She looked great and wholesome, but I was looking
at the other single women in the tape trying to find one for myself! It
was like when you go to a Norooz party and they offer you sweets! You
don’t know which one to choose!"
On the same note, I wish we had some stats on marriage/divroce rates of our fellow Iranians, both in Iran and here. Over the years I have seen all permutations, work and not work. Perhaps it all depenends on the interaction of various components: age-family background-wishes/longings-views on life/finances/education ....
But then there is also a role of dice as well.
BTW, a new trend I have noticed is the women going back and finding huzbands in Iran. In my view, law of supply and demand is always at work also. Simply put, there is a much bigger pool of people to tap on to, back in Iran, be it eligible bachelors or bachelorrets, if you know what you look for, there is a better chance of finding him/her there.
May we all have good dreams.
بعله مهرداد جان!
FaramarzSun Apr 10, 2011 10:59 AM PDT
در زمان بچگی یک بار ما یکجایی مهمون بودیم. در این مهمانی یک آقای مسنی که تازه خانومش فوت کرده بود رفته بود و از یک شهرستانی یک زن جوون و ترگل ورگل گرفته بود و این خانوم با رقصیدنش مایه شادی همه آقایان وعصبانیت خانوم ها تو این محفل شده بود. بعد از خوردن شام و چنتا گیلاس ناب این آقا که ازرقص و دلربایی زن جوانش خیلی کیف کرده بود، رو به من که روی صندلی پهلوی ایشون نشسته بودم کرد و گفت: "پسر جان، عسل را با دیگران خوردن بهتر از زهر مار را به تنهایی نوش جان کردنست!"
من اون موقع نفهمیدیم که منظور این آقا پیره چی بود. موقع برگشت توی ماشین این جمله این آقا رو با آب و تاب برای بابام تعریف کردم. بابام هم یک تشری به من زد و گفت: "مردیکه فلان فلان شده باید بره کلاه قرمساقی سرش بذاره!"
نتیجه اخلاقی - هر مساله ای رو بچه به باباش نباید بگه!
So you should
by Rea on Sun Apr 10, 2011 10:58 AM PDTLet me know, so I can arrange match making. Special for you, 9% of the dowry. But only if you promise to take her to the US. If not, forget it.
PS. this particular blog is getting the worst out of me. It's not my fault, it's just that I've seen it in practice. Honestly, I wish each one of them will screw each one of you.
Out of here, hough ! ;o))
PS. he wrote music for both: "Le Temps des Gitans" n "Queen Margot". Learn ;o)
//youtu.be/rNFD77NMpOU
Marriage is a risky business even when all parties intend well
by Bavafa on Sun Apr 10, 2011 09:55 AM PDTAdding to an already risky business, when a 50 year old short and bald goes home and screens girls in their 20s and all he needs to do is to pick which ever "candy" one can not expect much but a much riskier situation.
Of course one can look at it from a different point of view; a guy in his 50s, short & bald, gets to eat candy of the primmest quality for 3 years and if he was smart enough to not give her weight worth of gold as Mahrieh, then perhaps not a bad deal for him either.
Is that what they call win-win situation?!?!?!
Mehrdad
P.S. What baffles me is the amount of hostility of some Iranian women living in US towards the green-card brides. I wonder why that is as many of them are either already married and it is not as if they are shrinking their pool of eligible bachelors or wouldn't even give those 50 year old short & bald a second look.
Souri Jon
by Faramarz on Sun Apr 10, 2011 07:58 AM PDTI don't disagree with you. This was a risky business from the beginning, but I guess he thought that by being patient and supportive, she would grow out of it and focus on their mutual life challenges.
He was wrong, but I don't think that at the end she came out ahead either.
Rea - 21st Century Traders!
by Faramarz on Sun Apr 10, 2011 07:56 AM PDTOne of these days, I am going to get that Michael Jackson glove out of the closet, take the train to Croatia and put myself on the auction block for the highest bidder!
Sorry Faramarz jon
by Souri on Sun Apr 10, 2011 06:58 AM PDTBut I think it is all Moji's fault.
Why did he try to put up with the wife's life style?
Why didn't he talk to her, putting her records straight, at the first place? At the very first moment in the wedding party, about M. Jackson music and the gloves!!!
It seems to me that your friend (and many other Iranian-American men) want to have their dreamed wife, à la Angelina Joli, to show off among other fellows, to make every body jealous of their young and "in the wind" wife..........but don't think a bit of the consequences of all those things they are putting up with.
Who said that Moji had to put up with her way? Who said he should do it all her way? Why?
If a man is not capable to man up and take the power in his own hand, this is not his wife's fault. Sorry!
This could happen to Moji even with another woman, an American or Iranian-American living here since years.
Ari S., why "Poor Moji" ?
by Rea on Sun Apr 10, 2011 06:25 AM PDTWas he not into trading? The same woman may have never even looked at him, had he been an Iranian living in Iran.
As for your friend who is 50, she's 20, hope she'll dump him as soon as she gets her American papers.
I've seen the same thing with my own people in Australia, bringing virgins from Croatia.
In the meantime, fortunately, the world has moved on, it's 21 century. And women have learnt to trade.
“Can you believe this? A hot woman....?"
by Rea on Sun Apr 10, 2011 05:58 AM PDTNo, I can't.
I can only hope that Moji will not force his own children into "green card bride" business.
PS. good for her, at least she's intelligent. Am all on her side.
PSS. Faramarz, honey, if you intend on buying your bride, hope she'll do the same to you. No offence intended.
Faramarz
by R2-D2 on Sat Apr 09, 2011 10:49 PM PDTI know six (6) people with almost exactly (Repeat, "Almost Exactly") the same scenario :) !
P.S. I almost fell into this trap myself :) ? ! ... My family put some sense into me :) !
Poor Moji!
by Ari Siletz on Sat Apr 09, 2011 10:38 PM PDT.....
by yolanda on Sat Apr 09, 2011 10:17 PM PDTI believe the guy is probably still paying spousal support and child support, but the lady has moved on to the next guy (victim?)!
ديدي گفتم
FaramarzSat Apr 09, 2011 05:00 PM PDT
Thank you friends for reading and commenting
Whenever I hear Farshid's song, "Didi Goftam" I think of Moji and his ordeal. He did not deserve what he got
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGEHypNDnBA
ديدي گفتم
ديدي گفتم که يه روز پر ميکشي تو هوا
ديدي گفتم
ديدي گفتم که تو هم ميري به خاطره ها
مياد اونروز که نميگيري سراغ از ما
ميدونستم
ميدونستم که دل سرد تو موندني نيست
خوندني نيست
رفتي پر کشيدي دل نشست وگريست
نمونده برام جز اشک چشم و دو گونه خيس
دلي که بي نياز همش فکر پرواز
ميخواد بذاره بره
قلبي که غم نداره همش فکر فراره
موندن براش مشکله
ديدي ديدي گفتم
ديدي ديدي گفتم
ديدي ديدي گفتم
ديدي ديدي گفتم
YUUUUCK
by ComraidsConcubine on Sat Apr 09, 2011 03:32 PM PDToff the boat shortie with another green movement. Just YUCK!