eroonman

While some appear merely content with looking at who won this year's awards, I being an Iranian with significantly more tolerance for the mundane and inane, choose to look at who lost and why.

I am sad to report that once again, the panel determining this year's crop of examples of excellence in human buffoonery have somehow, once again overlooked our own mahmoud.

This is an outrage!

In my opinion, has he not exemplified that which human civilization considers to be the epitome of ineptitude? Far more than that he has at the very minimum qualified himself as a master debater, if not a cunning linguist.

An outrage I say!

We must band together and object I say!

Someone start an online anonymous petition I say!

Say What?

I find it most personally insulting that a man who has worked his entire life to be worthy of the world's recognition as a most definite leader of that part of the planet containing apes, to not be given his fair due.

I know that this summer, at least I certainly felt that possibly, this year was his best showing yet. Not content with a mere coup in wanting and then taking this year's presidential selection like a fat child in front of a bowl of bonbons, mahmoud gave us that little extra that he always gives us, that extra we never ever ask for, or want even, but always seem to get from him.

I think we can all agree that this year's election performance by mahmoud, was nothing short of spectacular. A show we will never forget. His farewell performance, if you will. Unless he can subvert the election laws before the next election.

But alas it was not to be. And like the baboons on the national team, who while being the better team, somehow failed to qualify for the World Cup, this chimp won't be going to the [ig]Noble podium, this year either.

Although both a sham and a shame, whether rigged or fair, mahmoud lost this year's [ig]Noble Peace Prize to: Stephan Bolliger, Steffen Ross, Lars Oesterhelweg, Michael Thali and Beat Kneubuehl of the University of Bern, Switzerland, for determining — by experiment — whether it is better to be smashed over the head with a full bottle of beer or with an empty bottle.

Say What?

Didn't they read mahmoud's brilliant dissertation on how to smash a protester from the back of a motorcycle? Did they not get the whole Parthian Archer on a Chariot design homage? I mean that was pure poultry in motion!

Adding insult to injury, the feigned judges also overlooked mahmoud in the lesser known category of the VETERINARY MEDICINE PRIZE: choosing instead to award it to Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of Newcastle University, Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, UK, for showing that cows who have names give more milk than cows that are nameless.

Say What-What?

Didn't they read mahmoud's treatise on the many "alternative" animal husbandry techniques he has helped popularize throughout his career as an Amateur Livestock Sex Therapist? And what about his genius revelation in the White Paper entitled "Manual donkey insemination and release: for the hobbyist"

An outrage, I say!