US Army interviews

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divaneh
by divaneh
27-Dec-2010
 

Yesterday JJ gave his sincere apology for the US army advertisements in the IC. I think there was no need for such apology as it seems that those advertisements have raised a good deal of interests between IC members as revealed by the latest release of the confidential cables by the wikileaks that contain parts of the US Army interviews. Let me know if you come across any other leaks.

Here are the leaks:

* * * * *

- Let me get my head round this JJ. You have come for the interview but you say that you do not want the position.

- Yes, it was my assistant who sent the application.

- But here is the covering letter. It has your signature.

- Yes, I signed it, but I didn’t send it. My assistant sent it.

- Does it mean you are going to refund us the travel expenses paid for you to travel from Budapest to New Mexico?

- Could do, but I need to discuss it with a few friends in Thailand. I just need some travel assistance to get there.

* * * * *

- So Mahmoudg, what did get you interested in this position?

- Bombing Iran.

- Anything else?

- Bombing it again?

* * * * *

- Thanks for coming Samsam. Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Omar.

- You arabophile omati tokhm ghades. You shaikhaks want to attack the kiani land again. The sons of Ariobarzan will show you camel herders. You were just lucky in Nahavand because Constantin had tired us out.

* * * * *

- Thanks for your heartfelt CV Azarin. I, ... I, ..., I am so emotional now.

* * * * *

- Q, I ask for the sixteenth time. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

- YAWN. Palestinians are suffering in the hand of Zionists.

- That is not the answer to my question.

- BORING. More of the same. So according to you Lebanese should not defend themselves.

* * * * *

- So Souri, has there been a situation where you have left something to others to sort out?

- Yes, plenty, but I just tried to guide them first.

* * * * *

- That torch is dazzling my eyes VPK. Do you mind if you take it of your face. Ah, that’s better. Why do you dress like the angel of death?

* * * * *

- I had a bit of problem reading your CV to the end Dr Saadat Noury. It’s about 80 pages which is a little over the top. I have read the six pages of poems by different poets about education under the EDUCATION heading. There are also 14 pages of poems about skills and another 24 pages about experience. Do you think you can summarise it a little bit?

- Yes, perhaps we can take out that Ghaside by Farokhi Sistani.

* * * * *

- I have been very surprised to receive your application No Fear. I thought you supported the regime.

- Yes, but one can only progress by changing jobs.

* * * * *

- This is the end of the interview Faryarm, and I am sorry you have not been successful in this instance. It seems that your main purpose of coming here was to change my religion.

* * * * *

- Tell me Mr Kadivar, has there been an instance that you reached compromise with someone else?

- Yes, I once had a difference of opinion with someone who thought RP was king (shah) and I insisted that he was king of kings (Shahanshah) and we continued debating it for 16 hours.

- Did you reach an agreement?

- Yes, we agreed to disagree.

* * * * *

- I have now described the position Yolanda. Do you think it’s for you?

- OMG, you described it so beautifully.

- What is omg?

* * * * *

- That is the end of the interview Ms Rusta. Do you have any question for me?

- Yes, who killed Razmara?

* * * * *

- I am sorry Virgin Goth, I don’t find any relevant skills in your CV.

- knw. # ^ my bf saz go 4 it . <

* * * * *

- Now Sargord Pirouz, tell me about a situation where you helped a friend.

- A friend? ..a,.. a friend? ..friend? .. Yeh, once my mom was carrying the shopping....

* * * * *

- I am sorry Fussygorilla, you can’t keep applying with different names. And you have a poor taste in choosing names if I may say so.

* * * * *

- Yes, that’s ok Maziar, you can carry Oregano as a US soldier.

* * * * *

- Ok Sahameddin, let me start with the page of the supporting information that you have provided. You have written “ Why don’t we all form one army and work together, our earth is big enough for all of us, let’s forget the differences and help each other to make a better world”. Well that’s the title.

* * * * *

- - - - - - - - - - -

I apologise in advance if these leaks have annoyed anyone. I am just on a roll to make more friends recently.

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more from divaneh
 
divaneh

Dear Rahmanian

by divaneh on

Thanks for reading and for your encouraging comment.


divaneh

Dear Yolanda

by divaneh on

Thanks for your generous comment. It seems that by the reader’s votes you are the star of the blog. Believe it or not I still have not checked the controversial ads but now have to check it out and see if there is a position in the Persian Gulf. Happy holidays to you too.


divaneh

Dear MM and Monda

by divaneh on

Dear MM,

I have looked hard to find the leaks about your interview but it seems that as you said it has been of extreme confidentiality and interviews for recruiting the head of the armed forces has not been treated the same as the interviews for the mere translators.

Monda Jaan,

Thanks for your kind comment. Where did you make that discovery? I must have missed a comment somewhere.


G. Rahmanian

Interesting Leaks!

by G. Rahmanian on

Very funny, indeed. Yolanda's was absolutely the best!


yolanda

.....

by yolanda on

Thank you, divaneh,

    OMG! (LOL) I made on your role play list! Thank you for the "honorable" mentioning! :O)

I almost never click on IC ads 'cause nothing is applicable to me......but I clicked on the military ad last night out of curiosity.......I realized there is absolutely no job for me in the military.....they want people speaking Dari, Farsi, or Pashtu.....

***************

You have a big "amplitude".....you can write very sad story (a prostitute got executed) and sad poem (Shahla poem); you can also write very funny blogs......thank you for everything......Happy holidays!

 


SamSamIIII

HGP Ebi ,

by SamSamIIII on

 

 First off :), in KFRI we believe in separation of church & state so your postition as a minister in some government does not prevent you from your priestly obligation in Argus temple. 2nd off, we could use use you as a sleeping mole in their cabinet. 3rd off, dont compare some boring haji ministry job with such rare grand position as HGP of Argus Dome in charge of shish kebobing kiaani opponenets. & above all, location, how can you pass lovely chilly Anarctica over boiling sahrayeh mahshar dealing with so much camel & people traffic. contact AO minister of truth & information or Majid minister of kind swift Justice or even dear Mehrban ministeress of reformation & beautification with your final decision as soon as possible as many verdicts are pending HGP seal including the omaru motorcyclist ;).

Cheers pal!!!

 

Path of Kiaan Resurrection of True Iran Hoisting Drafshe Kaviaan //iranianidentity.blogspot.com //www.youtube.com/user/samsamsia


Monda

you Creative Cat!

by Monda on

Loved Yolanda's the best. And I second Bavafa on the comedy team idea.

And And I discovered Mr. Khar's real name is Masoud, Hah! 


ebi amirhosseini

SamSam jaan....

by ebi amirhosseini on

I'm honored,but first I have to check with masoud kazemzadeh;since I'm minister of Hajj in his cabinet & according to law I can't hold two cabinet positions at the same time.lol

check here for some jolly...:

//iranian.com/main/blog/faramarz/iranian-com-...

Faramarz Jaan;bebakhshid dar bloget roodeh deraazi kardam.

 

Ebi aka Haaji


SamSamIIII

Merry christmass

by SamSamIIII on

 

to my appointed head grilling priest of Argus Dome temple :). In brass we shall trust.

& to every one a merry brainfat free christmass & season of joy. May the blessing be all yours or mostly mine so i can give you some.

Cheers all!!!

Path of Kiaan Resurrection of True Iran Hoisting Drafshe Kaviaan //iranianidentity.blogspot.com //www.youtube.com/user/samsamsia


ebi amirhosseini

SamSam jaan....

by ebi amirhosseini on

And some are on "Pol e chin vat" & it is getting narrower by minutes for them.lol

Ebi aka Haaji


Souri

No honey jon, that was not about you

by Souri on

What is it with you guys? You are all offended :)

Anahid jon, I was just explaining one of the scenario which exist here actually about flagging and deleting. That was not intended to you.

I know you are a true friend and full of good intention.

Seems that this was the day of "frustration" with everybody, lol.

Divaneh was right to say that I was waken up from dandeh chap!

But I wasn't the only one, as I see.
Let's cheer up guys.
Christmas is still there.....

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!


SamSamIIII

looool, am i in twilight zone

by SamSamIIII on

 

Groundhog day ver 1  2  3  4 ...$%^& ::)) keep em coming  . divaneh, ready for version3 :)..                                                                                               v

                                          v

                                          v

                                          v

Path of Kiaan Resurrection of True Iran Hoisting Drafshe Kaviaan //iranianidentity.blogspot.com //www.youtube.com/user/samsamsia


Anahid Hojjati

Souri jan, I am offended by your comment to me

by Anahid Hojjati on

In the last comment of your blog, you accused me of being in some kind of conspiracy. If you can not realize that your comment to me was out of proportion, then maybe you want to think about it more. I am offended by your comment to me.


Souri

Divaneh

by Souri on

Sorry my English is not sufficiently good to understand the point that you are trying to make here.

Am I offended by your joke about myself? NO, I'm not, I told you that before.

Did I want to take revenge? Absolutely not! I even found your blog very funny and told you this. I wouldn't have said that, if I hadn't found it funny.

I said you were not impartial, because you didn't include your usual cheerleaders in that joke. That's all.

So I blogged the part 2, to bring some other interviews in order to balance the scale, which you had left imbalanced in my opinion.

Had I done this in your blog as a comment, this would have ruined your blog and I'd rather to take all the offensive words in my own blog to leave yours completely intake.

And I don't get what you meant by  this:

"You have taken this out of proportion and politicized it beyond what it is."

Would you show my how I did this? What phrase or words that I said which has politicized it?

Are you sure you are not the one who is now taking things out of proportion?

I hope you are as tolerant and open minded as I always thought you were. I always loved your writing and respect your views a lot.

I have no grudge, let's move on.  

 

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!


divaneh

Dear Farah

by divaneh on

Thanks for being here and for your sense of humour.


divaneh

Dear Truthseeker

by divaneh on

I am not here to make friends and as you may have appreciated my comment at the end of the blog means that some people may not like this blog. I have read the description of the book in your link and you had your attempt in opening my eyes, now it's my turn to open your eyes.

I think we should be able to laugh at each other without getting offended. There is of course a limit to a joke, but I don't think this blog crosses that. You can write a complete blog making fun of me and I will be the first one to thank you if it is funny. We laugh on daily basis at the caricatures of the politicians and celebrity but we do not think any less or more of them. The very same applies here.


Farah Rusta

Is it not obvious Ms Rusta?

by Farah Rusta on

 

... the Shah did it!

Oh! 

FR


divaneh

Dear Souri

by divaneh on

It seems like I have lost most of the fun while I was out. I was going to leave a comment in your blog but it seems to be blocked for some reason. I'd just like to make a few things clear.

I am not over the moon that you have ruined my light-hearted jokes with a few IC members. You have taken this out of proportion and politicized it beyond what it is. I wish people would just use the comment section or their own blog to joke back or ridicule me if they felt that I have ridiculed them. I know some members in this site have some differences but that is not my business and truthfully not of slightest concern to me. Samsam in his comments on your blog was right that I was lazy in thinking of more people to include. I was also wary of the length of the blog.

I have not been making a point nor have been settling scores with anyone. It was purely to raise a few smiles on IC member faces and that included those listed in the blog. I have tried not to be out of order in compiling the blog but it seems that I have made a mistake and that was to joke with you and I promise that I will not repeat that again.


Truthseeker9

.

by Truthseeker9 on

.


Shazde Asdola Mirza

در آمریکا مصاحبه نکردم، ولی‌ متن ذیل از سپاه پاسداران نشت کرده

Shazde Asdola Mirza


 

- شما در نماز دشمن شکن جمعه شرکت می‌کنید؟

- بعله، هر روز!

- کفن شهید چند تکه است؟

- شهید ۹ غسل دارد و ۹ کفن؛ کفّ قبر او‌ هم باید پهن تر باشد!

- امام محبوب شما کیه؟

- حضرت عباس

- با جنس مخالف تا چه حد معاشرت دارید؟

- تا ختنه گاه

- آیا حاضرید در عملیات استشهادی شرکت کنید؟

- بشرطی که بعدش برم مرخصی.


MM

thanks for the laughs

by MM on

I am glad that my interview was stamped as triple super duper confidential!


SamSamIIII

:)re; KFRI

by SamSamIIII on

 

pino e gerami; As it is we already have 17 citizens & a working government in place. The process of recruitment how ever is grilling & not so inclusive ;). Our potential immigrants have to stay in waiting list temple named "Kharafestan free zone" pending their inquisition by our head grilling priest Seyed Kiaani Ebi. Very elaborate yet you are welcome to apply as our always in demand human offering candidate for the Argus temple polar bears.  

 Divaneh jaan, mibakhshi az verajee too blogget :)

Path of Kiaan Resurrection of True Iran Hoisting Drafshe Kaviaan //iranianidentity.blogspot.com //www.youtube.com/user/samsamsia


divaneh

Dear Bavafa

by divaneh on

Thanks for your kind comment. Glad that it has raised a few smile.


divaneh

شراب قرمز عزیز

divaneh


رسیدن بخیر. امیدوارم که مسافرت شما به سرزمین فراعنه خوش گذشته باشد و کولی های مصری حق خدمت بجا آورده باشند. خوشبختیم که شما دوباره به این جمع پیوستید.


Bavafa

Divaneh jaan, you rock

by Bavafa on

This is absolutely priceless, I couldn't stop laughing.

I think you, cousin Faramarz and Shazdeh ought to team up for the IC axis of evil, definitely at least as funny and talented if not more.

Mehrdad


Red Wine

شراب کولی‌های مصری

Red Wine


سلام فراوان و درود بیکران به خدمت بزرگوار مرد این حوالی.. جناب دیوانه خان،و همینطور هي أفضل من أفضل، كنت ذكيا بحيث يسمونه أنت مجنون.

لحظه یی بیش نیست که از سرزمین ساحران مصری آمده ایم،مطلبتان را خواندیم و لذت بردیم.

باشد که شما همیشه سالم و زنده باشید تا ما هم به زیر پای شما نشسته و حضرت را دعا گوی باشیم.

داغ داغ هستیم و این شراب کولی‌های مصری عجب بهشت ساز است... به سلامتی شما . . .

 

شراب قرمز.

 


Q

Kiaani Federal Republic

by Q on

Samsam,

 As the first official act, can we immediately celebrate all advocates of this fictitious land with honorary citizenship and specifically the title "bache kiaani" ?

 


ebi amirhosseini

don't count on it....

by ebi amirhosseini on

you might end up finding more enemies than friends;since some still don't have any idea about SATIRE!! lol

Era'datmand

Ebi aka Haaji


divaneh

Dear Ebi

by divaneh on

Thanks for your generous comment. About the 2nd part, let me fisrt wait and see how many friends I make with the first part.


Sargord Pirouz

lol

by Sargord Pirouz on

good comeback. absurd. but good comeback.  lol