Hillary, Rudy, Barack or Mitt?


by bahmani

Well it's that time of the decade again, as American (and some actual Iranians!) get ready to go to the poll and pick the usual lesser of two evils, namely the top choices as selected, trimmed, butterflyed, and broiled to medium rare perfection (including drawn butter), by the powers that be, or the Democratic and Republican party wonks. (Hey, how does one go about becoming a wonk?)

It's never the Ron Pauls, or the Kucinich ilk that ever get to the top, to try out some of their increasingly brilliant sounding progressive ideas. Here are some of the better ones that will never materialize. I know it's cruel, but I think it is important for us to know what we will be missing so that when we get stuck with whomever we get stuck with, we can wallow in even more self pity, and pointless "I told you so..." 's. To really bang home that sense of "too little too late" when we had the opportunity to get behind the right candidate. Remember we're Iranian, we like our cynicism Extreeeeeme!

Dennis Kucinich: (Democrat from Ohio)

“It is fear which leads us to war, ... It is fear which leads us to believe that we must kill or be killed. Fear which leads us to attack those who have not attacked us. Fear which leads us to ring our nation in the very heavens with weapons of mass destruction.”

“Iran has worked with the United States after 9/11. I don't understand why this administration is, once again, leading us towards a war. We need this administration not only to tone down its rhetoric, but stop this belief that somehow the United States should be the policeman of the world,"

“I am running for president of the United States to end the United States occupation of Iraq, and put an end to the lies that brought us into Iraq, ... To help make this country whole again in the world community, and to challenge those lies, which if left unchallenged, will cause this administration to lead this country towards another war.”

Plus he has some equally good ones about the economy and social issues.

Ron Paul: (Republican from Texas. I know! Texas!)

“The obligations of our representatives in Washington are to protect our liberty, not coddle the world, precipitating no-win wars, while bringing bankruptcy and economic turmoil to our people.”

"Everyone assumes America must play the leading role in crafting some settlement or compromise between the Israelis and the Palestinians. But Jefferson, Madison, and Washington explicitly warned against involving ourselves in foreign conflicts."

"Setting a good example is a far better way to spread ideals than through force of arms."

"I am just absolutely convinced that the best formula for giving us peace and preserving the American way of life is freedom, limited government, and minding our own business overseas. "

Just so we all know who we are forgoing.

In the Democrat camp, the battle seems to be firmly under control of the Hillary campaign which has thus far not only done nothing spectacular to silence the hard-on-her-heels Obama campaign. But somehow the Obama campaign as gone suddenly silent as far as attacking Hillary on any number of huge opportunities, but is still managing to bring in huge sums of money from the internet, and a rather effective grass roots building campaign. The brilliant fundraising and awareness policy of "House Parties" that are specifically absent of any company or corporate sponsorship has been a huge success for the Obama campaign, filling it's coffers only slightly as full as the Hillary campaign fills it's own with donations from unions and the usual corporate and lobbying suspects. These campaigns have been so effective at raising money, that you'd almost think they were working together. But wait for my conspiracy analysis at the end.

In the Republican camp it's an all out winner take all massacre. Front run-runner Rudi Giuliani the former mayor of New York and advertised hero of 911, is sweeping up Lincoln bedroom promises and contracting favors as if he's 20 years younger and running for City Councilman for the Borough of Brooklyn. No one but Rudi could be on YouTube in drag coming on to Donald Trump (and it doesn't look fake), and still be the front runner of the Republican party.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have Mitt Romney, the Massachusetts Utahn, who looks every bit the perfect poster child of a successful venture capitalist and self made businessman and presidential candidate, except for the one teensey weensey fact, which is that he also happens to believe that the 10 lost tribes of Israel (or 12) will eventually be reunited in a place called New Jerusalem, to be resurrected and located on the American continent, and that his underwear has magic properties. Other than that and his still unclear position on abortion, he's stellar!

OK now for the conspiracy theory and predictions. Mine is that the deal has already been made between Hillary and Obama and that the young senator from Illinois, faced with the undeniable fact that many blacks simply won't vote for him for some seemingly racist reason, and that his lack of experience has people talking fondly about Dan Quayle, will be Hillary's eventual running mate. That sweeps number 1 and number 2 nicely into a neat [rain]bow assuring maximum coverage. Plus all the money collected from both, now funnels into one final uber-ticket giving the Democrats a huge financial advantage going into the final run. Too close to the election, the Republicans will still be undecided between Giuliani and Romney which will split the party into 2 (or 3) factions who out of spite for the other side will fracture an already reeling party, thus giving the slim advantage and margin to the Hillary/Obama who will win. Unfortunately, shortly after the inauguration of Clinton 2.0, Pelosi will yet again mis-engineer the Democratic hold on Congress, giving power firmly back to the Republicans who will proceed to make life a living hell for Hillary's presidency. Or business as usual.

What is the basis for my profound punditry? If I knew that I wouldn't be writing this blog on a urine scented BART train going to work. But I'll gamble a riddle and ask you the same question. Who do you think will win and why? That and how do you think the next President will react to Iran?


more from bahmani

A Lesson For Freedom Seeker in Iran

by Mehdi on

I see many intellectuals crying for democracy in Iran; a lot of "anti-theocracy" shouts and the dream-like futuristic view of a perfectly harmonious government in Iran where every political group or ideaology, religion, etc. can live alongside each other with perfect harmony. In the shadow of such super fantastic dreams, they become so drunk that they authorize even alliance with certain corrupt powers as well as an attack on Iran in the hopes that the current regime will be taken out and that super demorcatic dream of a regime would replace it. Well, wake up and smell the coffe. Even in the arguably best democratic country in the world, we still get no real choice for presidency. And Iranians complain why elections in Iran are so fake - why we never have a real choice. So I believe that we need to get in better touch with our environment and see what is real and what is only a dream. Even in the US, decent apeople and real alternatives never make it to the top ten, never mind past that. I see deciding between Hillary or Juliani or whatever being exactly like deciding between Ahmadinejad and Rafsanjani or Khatami - how much of a difference does it make? Why is it we don't have real choices? And why is it that even almost-real choices don't get support from people? If Americans are so brainwashed that they won't elect a good candidate, why do we expect that superstition-filled people of Iran to be able to elect a really progressive person for the future of Iran?


You can even call me Shahi but not Hadafi

by Alborzi (not verified) on

You see I am not against Hadafi's, in fact this doctor
I know went to Hadaf, but I think Alborz is something else.
Last year when I was in Iran, I went to Alborz, even though Ghazanfar was long gone, the new doorman knew of him
and let us even drive our car in :-), they have demolished the shabaneroozi and made a place for their Jendeh fighters, but Alborz is still the best, it is still bigger than the local HS, and we live in red neck woods, were they like it big and wwiii and
more blood. These red necks just got off trees and joined the war.
But Alborz was more than a big school its a concept. Its a concept that Shahis and Mojahdeens and ..... will never get.
Now go give. Its your time.


to Alborzi

by A real Alborzi (not verified) on

You asshole must be from Hadaf - that shithole of a place which longed to be the second best but never made it to the tope five!


It was only red neck vote

by Alborzi (not verified) on

This is the area we live in, its like the Qom of USA, they love
WWIII, I also do not like Hillary (she is Bush III, to go with WWIII, though she could give to Khamenei and that would be good) any way Ron Paul is good, but he probably has Ralph Nader's chance too. Oh well, I plan to travel.


to the socalled Alborzi

by Another former Alborzi (not verified) on

Don't abuse the name of that sacred institution by using it to label your bunkum. You are a disgrace to the name of Alborz.


Go Republican

by IraniAmrikaee (not verified) on

I really like Mit. He's got balls, unlike the Democrats.


Aren't you all tired?

by Daryush on

Aren't you really tired of wars and crimes of the Republican party? don't you want a liberator? And Alborzi, the way u think you are and your Bush are the hitler of this century. I think your time is over. It's time for peace and I feel the love, love is in the air. Whoever is not tired of these stupid asses must be a stupid ass.

With love


Media Sweethearts

by an observer (not verified) on

Very nice article! thank you for bringing up the very sad truth of the corporate-run-media favoritism in America

there is no reason for Hillary or Obama to be the front runners, except for the push they have received from the media and why do you think that is? because neither one stands a chance against a republican.

I can't even believe that Giuliani has had a chance to be in the top 10 nevermind a front-runner!

You picked the best candidates from both sides to quote from. I am not sure why they fall in the not-electable category except for the fact that they have not sold their souls...

I don't care about the media's choice and I will vote for Kucinich for he's shown by his determination and clean spotless record. I love Paul's ideas too but I find Kucinich more in tune with my own ideas.

thank you for this very nice article


The redneck vote

by Alborzi (not verified) on


Can do WWIII better.



by Abarmard on

Vote for Obama if you wish a better and smarter America