Do You Have the Balls?


by bahmani

As a former Iranian soccer player, I am used to adversity at various levels. On one level being an Iranian (even half one) in this world, is challenge enough. On another being a soccer fan and Iranian means you're sure to have even more heartbreak. And finally being a 46 year old soccer player today hurts even more because not only are the San Jose Earthquakes (2 time MLS champs) aka Houston Dynamo, moving back to the Bay Area, but they are also holding open tryouts. I am posting this not out of spite to my fellow over the hill player friends and enemies, but more to encourage the many young Iranian whipper-snappers I enviously glare at, to try out for the team. To those of you who think you should rather finish that engineering or computer degree, I'd slap you, but since I can't, I'll just say fuck you instead. If you don't go for this, you'll end up bitter (like me) having not taken the chance at glory, when you were in your prime! For the only thing better than one of us old (yet still handsome!) fogies playing for the Earthquakes in the upcoming 2008 season, would be to see a local young (and handsome!) Iranian playing in our place. Here's the info you ungrateful bastards! Now go and do something with it!

The San Jose Earthquakes will hold open tryouts starting Nov. 3 and will finish Dec. 2, in 8 cities across Northern California:

Santa Rosa
San Francisco
Walnut Creek

"A maximum of 200 participants will be allowed to try out in each city. Each tryout will last one day, with one individual from each tryout advancing forward to a special invitation-only Earthquakes Combine to compete for a spot on the Earthquakes Developmental Team."

Registration will be available through the Earthquakes website at or by calling 1(866) 466-1829. The fee to try out is $150 per person.

The schedule for the tryout tour is as follows:

Sacramento-Cherry Island Soccer Complex Nov. 3
Santa Rosa-Triones Field Nov. 4
San Francisco-Kezar Stadium Nov. 10
Fresno-Chukchansi Stadium Nov. 11
Salinas-Salinas Sports Complex Nov. 17
Oakland-Bishop O'Dowd High School Nov. 18
Walnut Creek-Arbolado Park Dec. 1
Hayward- Chabot College Dec 2


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