How do you say Goodbye?


How do you say Goodbye?
by Ali P.

Dad has had a cancerous lump , growing on his liver for the last 5 years. He got chemo for it on a regular basis. Sometimes it worked and it shrunk, some times it didn't.

Recently he has totally failed to respond to medications. He was totally independant until about a month ago. Now we have to help him walk, or use the bathroom. In all possibilities, with all the love and care my Mom's giving him, he may have another month or two to live. I wrote this to an friend tonight. I am sharing it now with the rest of you (The picture is my Dad, some sixty years ago):

* * * * * *

In all probabilities , this is the last time I am seeing my Dad. He is here in Germany and I live in the U.S.

He asked me today "Why can't I die?"

I have talked to people whose loved one just left suddenly. They never got a chance to tell them what they meant to each other.Here I am, and I have the chance to talk to him about love, but it is so incredibly hard to bring myself to speak to him about all he has been to me all my life. And I do not know what to tell him...where to start...where to end..

The superman, the giant of my life, now needs me, to keep my arms around him and to help him go to the bathroom.

Everyone is used to his condition here by now but me... My tears roll down my face every time I think I can hide them... We are men, and we are Iranian men, and we're not supposed to cry. He doesn't want to cry in front of me, and neither do I, in front of him. At the same time, I believe, by having our last talk, he may find the comfort and peace he wants , and would let go.

The selfish bastard in me does not want him to let go. Not yet. I want to keep him longer. For me.

But I only have tomorrow here. I am biting the bullet, and I am going to talk to him, tomorrow. About the little boy ,the soon-to -be-all-alone Ali P. and his Dad.

Tomorrow is going to be one of the toughest days of my life.

Pray for me and my Dad.


Ali P.


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ebi amirhosseini

Ali Jaan !!

by ebi amirhosseini on

Last year,after nearly 8 years,I went back to see my Mom.She was tied up to a bed in ICU & tube in her mouth ..... for 5 days,I just went to hospital everyday,sat behind a glaas wall and talked to her,although she couldn't hear me.Many times ,right in front of everybody,I sat on the floor & broke into tears & ctied as loud as I remember,then went back to her side .My beautiful Mom was just a motionless body lying on a bed & dying.On the sixth day I lost her !.As much as we don't want to lose them,there is so much we can do!no matter how old we are,still we are babies & want to have them by our side.Cry my friend,don't be shy,who says men shouldn't cry . Tell him whatever you feel like telling him,tell him how much you love him.

My thoughts & prayers are with you.


Jahanshah Javid


by Jahanshah Javid on

Cherish these last few hours and talk to him. Few fathers and sons get this opportunity. I feel your despair and deep love for your father.


My dear friend

by IRANdokht on

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you do talk to your Dad and tell him everything you want to say. You always know how to express yourself and you are very aware of how important it is to take the chance you are given at this time.

I can't help but think about my dad and how small are the chances of me being there for him when the time comes. Please get over whatever is keeping you from opening up to him.  Please do hold him, kiss his hand and his face. Tell him you love him and you are who you are because of the great father he's been.

I am so sorry. I am sure it's a very difficult time for all of you. Losing a loved one is difficult, but since we all have to go some day, isn't it best to go knowing the people we care about appreciate us and love us and will always remember us fondly?

My son lost his father a long time ago. He never had the chance to say goodbye and it's still breaking my heart to know how he wished he had a few minutes with him at the end. 

Saying Goodbye is very difficult and heartbreaking, but it will give your father the peace of mind, the best gift of love you can give him.

I hope all goes well, that you do communicate what's in your heart and I pray that your father spends what's left of his earthly time without pain or suffering, knowing that he has a loving family who cherish him and respect him. That's the best thing anyone should be lucky enough to take with them...  



Manoucher Avaznia

علی جان

Manoucher Avaznia

همدردی مرا بپذیر.


همگی ساکن بی طاقت این درگاهیم.



Ali jaan

by samsam1111 on

My friend & patriot in arms, I feel your pain , You just reminded me again as I,m reminded every day , how imperfect we all are . I share your burden & the weight on your shoulder . I pray for humanity every night pal..but tonight , I will reserve a special prayer for your special old man & you , ..May God give you & your father the strenght you both need to heal . May the hand of God turns it's  magic for a miracle and if............. I wish you peace & closure soon .

With hope , We pray......

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Ali P.

by Nazy Kaviani on

I read your words and I wept. For you. For your Dad. For your family. For myself. For my Dad.

Men or women, we are all supposed to know better. We are all supposed to know about death and about how blissful a family is when its children are grown up and independent when the parents go, and how lucky and "right" it is when parents die before their children. We know better, yet we can't get a grip on the reality of our parents' old age, illness, and eventual death.

I took care of both my parents before they passed away. My father's was a very special case. I divorced after a long marriage just as my mother passed away. I returned to Iran to be near my children, moving in with my father. The two of us had a chance to live together for several years before his passing. He was suffering from ALS and his spirit was gradually imprisoned in his slowly dying body. I don't know which was us felt more fortunate for having the other one around. All the medical equipment and procedures and the necessary day-to-day care of him didn't seem to bother me one iota. I wanted him to live. I wanted him to stick around. I wanted him to continue to be my best friend. We would read poetry together and tell each other jokes and talk about politics. We found each other again at an unlikely time in our lives.

More than once in the height of his difficulties, he said "I wish I could die right now." I always admonished him, telling him that he no longer belonged just to himself to wish such a thing, that he and his life belonged to all his children and grandchildren and his extended family. That somehow seemed to soothe him and he wouldn't talk about it anymore.

All through his increasingly degenerative disease, he accepted his disabilities with grace and power and humor. The day he stopped talking, I could see in his eyes that he was ready to go. He died easily and peacefully a month later.

In retrospect, as much as I miss my wonderful father, I am resigned to the reality of his life, his presence, and his death and his absence. He has left enough memories and joy for me and my siblings and our children to always talk about him as though he is still with us, supporting and loving us, just as he did all through his life.

You are going through what must be one of the most difficult times in an individual's life. You can protest it and you can fight it, but in the end you have to accept the freedom he will feel of pain and a diminished life.

I pray for you and I send you and your family waves of love and peace, hoping that they will reach you and comfort you somehow. You are a special man, Ali P., for your parents have taught you to be loving and understanding and peaceful. That much I know about you. Use that love and peace to tide yourself over to better times.

Crying is absolutely good for you, my friend. Do it freely and without reservation. It's your gateway to pouring your heart's pain out and getting on the road to acceptance.

Peace and love.


Ali P, My thoughts are with

by desi on

Ali P,

My thoughts are with you and your father.  Your letter was very moving.  It's been a long time since I've prayed.  Tonight I'll definitely say a prayer.