How do you say Goodbye?


How do you say Goodbye?
by Ali P.

Dad has had a cancerous lump , growing on his liver for the last 5 years. He got chemo for it on a regular basis. Sometimes it worked and it shrunk, some times it didn't.

Recently he has totally failed to respond to medications. He was totally independant until about a month ago. Now we have to help him walk, or use the bathroom. In all possibilities, with all the love and care my Mom's giving him, he may have another month or two to live. I wrote this to an friend tonight. I am sharing it now with the rest of you (The picture is my Dad, some sixty years ago):

* * * * * *

In all probabilities , this is the last time I am seeing my Dad. He is here in Germany and I live in the U.S.

He asked me today "Why can't I die?"

I have talked to people whose loved one just left suddenly. They never got a chance to tell them what they meant to each other.Here I am, and I have the chance to talk to him about love, but it is so incredibly hard to bring myself to speak to him about all he has been to me all my life. And I do not know what to tell him...where to start...where to end..

The superman, the giant of my life, now needs me, to keep my arms around him and to help him go to the bathroom.

Everyone is used to his condition here by now but me... My tears roll down my face every time I think I can hide them... We are men, and we are Iranian men, and we're not supposed to cry. He doesn't want to cry in front of me, and neither do I, in front of him. At the same time, I believe, by having our last talk, he may find the comfort and peace he wants , and would let go.

The selfish bastard in me does not want him to let go. Not yet. I want to keep him longer. For me.

But I only have tomorrow here. I am biting the bullet, and I am going to talk to him, tomorrow. About the little boy ,the soon-to -be-all-alone Ali P. and his Dad.

Tomorrow is going to be one of the toughest days of my life.

Pray for me and my Dad.


Ali P.


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What a blessing to have a

by Kouroshs (not verified) on

What a blessing to have a solid and supportive community such as this one.
Ali p. jan.

I can't possibly add anything more heartwarming and supportive as what everyone already has. I just want to second what Maziar said that INSHALAH by those miracles, one day very soon we WILL hear the good news that he is doing great and you will spend even more time with him and by his side, and your entire family.

Take care of yourself and be brave.


Dear Ali what a privilege to be part of your pain.

by Tahirih on

You are so lucky to have one day to tell him how much you love him and appreciated to have him as your father. Please ,tell him ,all these  things, because otherwise you have to do it in your dreams like me.

I have never had a chance to tell my father how much I loved him and it hunts me to this day.I usually go through my last conversation that I had with him, in my mind over and over. He asked me if I am happy ,in my new country, and I was so excited about getting admission to  the university , here, that I went on and on about me!

He had a heart attack the next day , and I never told him about him. may be he just needed to know that his only daughter was fine, then he left all happy for me.

I dream about him a lot , but he never talks to me, and it upsets me. But just a few nights ago he did talk and asked me if I needed help?

That morning I knew , I am free of my guilt.

I will pray for your father, and his smooth transition to the next world.Just know that he is going home.




My thoughts are with you

by Sara D. (not verified) on

Dear Ali,

I had tears streaming down my face as I was reading your blog. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through but I hope that you can have a wonderful talk with him and tell him how much you love him...

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.


good for

by Maziar 1958 (not verified) on

you having chance to see your father in germany and HOPE it will NOT be the last time and he will survive by the miracles we all believe in.
keep tight Ali khan .

persian westender

Dear Ali

by persian westender on

I wish you strength and a meaningful closure for these last moments of being with your father.



Ali P

by Hooshmand (not verified) on

Just remember the cycle of life. Everything will be fine. The goodbye is for everyone and no one is exempt. You are lucky to be there with him. I wasn't that lucky. Both my parents left with less than 2 years apart without me saying goodbye.

ebi amirhosseini

Ali Jaan !!

by ebi amirhosseini on


عاقبت روزی ترا ، ای کودک شیرین
تنگ در آغوش می گیرم
اشک شوق از دیده می بارم
 با نگاه و خنده و بوسه
در بهار چشم هایت دانه می کارم
نیمه شب گهواره جنبان تو می گردم
 لای لایی گوی بالین تو می مانم
دست را بر گونه ی گرم تو می سایم
اشک را از گوشه ی چشم تو می رانم
 گاه در چشمان گریان تو می بینم
 آسمان را ، ابر را ، شب را و باران را
 گاه در لبخند جان بخش تو می یابم
گرمی خورشید خندان بهاران را
چون هوا را بازی دست تو بشکافد
خیره در رگ های آبی رنگ بازوی تو می گردم
از تنت چون بوی شیر تازه برخیزد
مست از بوی تو می گردم
ماه در ایینه ی چشم تو می سوزد
همچو شمعی شعله ور در شیشه ی فانوس
 رنگ ها در گوی چشمت نقش می بندد
صبحگاهان ، چون پر طاووس
قلب گرم و کوچکت چون سینه ی گنجشک
 می تپد در زیر دست مهربان من
چون نوازش می کنم ، می جوشد از شادی
 در سرانگشتان من ، خون جوان من
زین نوازش ها تنت سیراب می گردد
چشم هشیار تو مست خواب می گردد
سایه ی مژگان تو بر گونه می ریزد
مادرت بی تاب می گردد
زلف انبوهش ترا بر سینه می ریزد
مادرت چون من بسی بیدار خواهد ماند
بارها در گوش تو افسانه خواهد خواند
گاه در آغوش او بی تاب خواهی شد
گاه از لای لای او در خواب خواهی شد
روزها و هفته ها و سال ها چون او
بر کنار از درد خواهی ماند
تا ز دردش با خبر گردی
روزها وهفته ها و سالها چون من
بی غم فرزند خواهی بود
تا تو هم روزی پدر گردی

نادر نادر پور



 پدرجان ، پدرم ، کوه استوارم
 با استقامت و با وقارم
تکیه می کنم به تو
 غمم را می شنوی و باز هم مثل کوه استواری
 سکت و صبوری
 سکوتت یک دنیا حرف برایم دارد
 عشق و محبتت را از نگاه و لبخندت می خوانم
 که همچو کوه استوار ، در خود پنهان داری
 پدر با استقامت و باوقارم
 پدرم ، پدر نازنینم
 سختی زندگی فرسوده ات کرده
 باز هم با استقامتی ، همچو کوه
 کوه استوار من
 تکیه به تو دارم
لبخند بزن ، شادباش
 تا از شاد بودن و لبخندت
به من گرمی ببخشی
 پدرم ، پدر نازنینم

Niki Tehranchi


by Niki Tehranchi on

Thank you for sharing with us, some of whom you know only through this website, this very moving personal story.  Though we may know you only through your writings, rest assured that we have come to appreciate your personality, your humor, your poignant emotions, just as if we were real life friends. I hope that writing this blog was helpful to you, a kind of first step to come to grip with the talk you will have with your father.  I am sure you will have the strength to do it and find the right words.  Our thoughts are with you and your family, dearest Ali P.

Arash Monzavi-Kia

peace and hope

by Arash Monzavi-Kia on

At this tough moment, wish peace and hope for you and your family. 

Arash M-K

bajenaghe naghi

ali jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

ali jan i am very sorry that you are going to lose you dad.

please leave all the  inhibitions and your preconceived ideas of manhood behind and enter his room as the grown up child of his as he sees you.

show him how tender and sensitive a  human being you have grown into. go to him and tell him how much you respect him. tell him how influential he has been in your life. tell him how important he is to you. tell him that you will miss him but he will always be with you deep in your heart. tell him all the stories of your childhood that he remembers and those he has forgotten. tell about the future and your plans. and most of all don't stop telling him how much you love him.

god give you strength as you go through this difficult part of your life.


Azadeh Azad

Dear Ali

by Azadeh Azad on

My heart goes out to you.

Love,  ~ Azadeh 


Dear Ali P.

by Monda on

I just read your blog and I hope that if you have already had your last face to face talk with your father, you did start it by telling him whatever you found in your heart, at that moment. That is all you could do.

Reading your blogs and comments here, I know you can articulate your thoughts and emotions very effectively. It is extremely tough my brother but you will know what to say and for God's sakes do cry whenever you feel that urge. Cry from the bottom of your heart. Your tears would give permission to your father to bring out his real emotions of fear, sadness, letting go. He has been your role model all your life, when it comes to expression of this most difficult experience, you be his role model by letting him see your tears so he can show you his.

You can also write everything that comes to your mind before seeing him for the last time and read it for him. But more than anything, this is one time when your strength is in showing him your tears of sorrow and pain. You are in my thoughts as I think about my last time with my own father.





Your Note Made me Cry...

by Pishevar (not verified) on

Doosteh Azziz: I know what your father meant to you. Your father has been a real man his entire life, a true dedicated family man. He saved your life, I know. A lot of people call their father "superman" but yours truly has been. When you told me about how he would wake you up in junior high school at 4am to work with you on math, it t gave me a glimpse of what kind of man he was. HE would wrestle with you to wake u up and feed you breakfast, then work patiently with you on your math... (Having worked with you, I know how much patience THAT takes!...) Anyway, you made me cry.. You father is a great, sweet, strong family man. He has been a gentle giant his entire life... A soldier, a Dentist, a Husband and a wonderful Father. I send my love to your entire family.. -AP

Shirin Vazin

BABA, dooset daaram

by Shirin Vazin on

Just tell him this. You'll feel good .....later.





Try your best to remember the joyful times..

by LA (not verified) on

Ali Jan,
I feel your pain. I myself had a similar situation. My dad was a super-hero to me too. Very athletic. At age 85 he had a body like a 40-year old man..all his life he worked hard and he was an honest man. I never thought that one day my Roosatme dastan would leave me. but when that day came and alzheimers disease took all over my dad's mind and life, when i saw him crumble to the floor and we had to change his diaper, i prayed to God to take him away.. Ali jan after all sooner or later we all have to go but it's better we go with dignity and pride.. Try your best to remember the joyful times with your loved one when you are feeling pain and sorrow. And know that their spirit will always be with you.


Dear Ali,

by Killjoy (not verified) on

Sorry to hear about your father.

It's only natural for you to want him to stay with you longer. It was after the latest tragedy involving a very young niece that I wrote the following to a friend,

"We take life for granted and never seem to be ready for such tragic moments."


Ali P. aziz

by Souri on

I share your dolour dear friend. I am also blocked in this kind of situation and can't express my feeling, so much I feel sad.

If I may, I would suggest, you read text for him which express the feeling of a man toward his father. Sometimes, it is easier for us, to express the feeling of others than our owns. You can read for him, a story of love and dedication told from a son to his father. Or, even any kind of poem or story which you like and you know will let him know what and how you feel for him. Of course, it's not enough, but it would be a good start to break this harmful barrier which get sometimes in the way of two people expression their love for each other.

May God bless you and your father, and your whole family.

Mona 19

Dear Ali.P

by Mona 19 on

I'm on my way to a devotional gathering.I'll remember him, you, and your dear family in my prayers at this difficult time.

Warmest regards, Mona 



by sbglobe on

Ali jan I think you are getting enough sympathy words from your friends that I (someone who you do not know) can skip mine. I think you need to work on that “selfish” side of yours. It is time for him to go and I wish for him to go easy and fast (with no more pain). He had a long (and good) life.  This is what I wish for my 88 (and not too healthy) Dad - to go easy and fast (the way it happened for my Mother). I always wish for all the parents to go before their children – I just see it as going to a new phase of our journey and it could be even more interesting that this life. Wish you the best!    

Darius Kadivar

Ali P. So Sorry to hear this

by Darius Kadivar on

I lost my father from Pancreatic Cancer 3 years ago and it went just too fast. In addition he was a surgeon and knew what he had. It is very touch for anyone and you cannot summarize your feelings in an instant and there will always be things that will hurt when you think of the past and things you could not say. But crying helps even in front of him. Time also heals a great deal.

I wish you, your father and family all the love and courage to see through the rain.

Warm Love and Friendship to you all,


I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

Ali I am dealing with a similar experience - Alzheimer's

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on

I understand a bit of what you are feeling. I'm glad you have the opportunity to communicate with him and I think all you can say is I love you over and over. Please try to focus on the good memories you have. I pray that you and your family will be ok. I pray that your dad will be healthy. I am sorry this is happening. You are a great son to take care of him like you described. God bless you and your family. That photograph of your dad is amazing. What a handsome guy :)


My thoughts are with you

by behmanchea on


Ali,You are fortunate to have this time with your father.

Yes, take the time to tell him how much you love him.


Be strong.



Orang Gholikhani

Seda degar yari nemikonad

by Orang Gholikhani on

Ali jan,

Kheili motaeser shodam. Khodam ra jay to mibinam va seda degar yari nemikonad ta pyami begooiam, dar kenar to geryeh mikonam

Yne ham begzarad.

Ghorbanat Orang


Maryam Hojjat

My prayers & Thoughts are with You &your Dad!

by Maryam Hojjat on

Dear Ali Jaan,

I think you are lucky for having this tomorrow to open up to your Dad & talk about all your feeling about him.  I did not have this chance when my father passed away. 

May GOD Give you & your family Peace.


Wish him well

by amirkabear4u on

Sorry to hear about your father. 

In your heart wish him well. Really, really hard. Wish for the illness to go away.

We make the world with our thoughts.

Azarin Sadegh

Dear Ali, I just read

by Azarin Sadegh on

Dear Ali,

I just read your blog... and I'm moved beyond words.

Selfishly, what I felt was envy.

I envy you, because you still have one more day to spend with your father, to talk to him and to tell him how much you love him  - while it’s not still too late and while he will still recognize you and understand you - and he will feel fulfilled and blessed, and you will listen to him sharing with you  his most cherished memories and he will remind you one more time of his love for you and you are going to keep this memory - this image - for the rest of your life.

I envy you, because when my father passed away, years ago, I didn’t get this opportunity…My father never had this chance…I never told him how much I loved him, even if he had told me – one million times – how much he loved me. When he had his first stroke, I was in France and my baby was 5 months old, so I couldn’t go back to be with him. He lost his long term memory, so he forgot about having three daughters and he didn’t even recognize my sister who stayed with him to the end…After his second stroke, he just wanted to die. His life, the way it had become wasn’t worth living.  For me the image of my father is the image of a man who struggled - to the end - to die. The image of his solitude.  And my silence.

So my dear Ali P.,

Please remember that tomorrow – no matter how hard it’s going to be - is also a day of celebration; your last opportunity to celebrate his life...

Take care, Azarin  

Masoud Kazemzadeh

it is okay to cry

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Ali jaan,

It is okay to cry. It is a human emotion. It would be wrong not to feel sad and not to cry. Hold your dad, kiss him again and again, and tell him you love him.

When you have a child, you may see a glitter of your dad in him.




Ali Jan,

by Princess on

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My thoughts and payers are with you and your dad and the rest of your family!

Mohammad Ala

I express my sympathy.

by Mohammad Ala on

I just came to check this site and noticed your note.  I express my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family members.


It is not easy to lose a loved one.  You are lucky to be with your Dad during his last days, cherish them. 

 It is easy said that you will learn to live with his loss, it is not.  I lost my Dad almost three years ago, it has not been easy.

American Wife

Ali P Jaan

by American Wife on

There are no words to express my sadness.  I can only imagine how difficult it is to summon enough positive energy to spend the last few hours with your father.  Bless you both and good luck.