The Curse of the British Map Maker

How organized THEIR Middle East looked!


The Curse of the British Map Maker
by bahmani

Once again, the world has been turned upside down by the Curse of the British Map Maker.

Once upon a time, after the British army successfully turned back the scourge of the Ottoman Empire, the British Map Maker went to work.

Being English, and naturally anal retentive, he could not stand the irregularities of the borderless Arabia and Northern Africa (and later Sub Saharan Africa but that is another story for another bed-time), and with an extra long ruler and an extra sharp pencil, began drawing straight lines in the sand. For fun and profit.

Iran was blessedly left out of this re-organization exercise, which is why today most of Iran's borders are beautifully jagged and elegantly haphazard lines, and in a strange coincidence reminiscent of the shape of a sitting cat. A beautifully sexy evocative Persian Cat. With big beautiful eyelashes.

But not Iraq, Kuwait, Jordan, Israel, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Oman, The Emirates, Bahrain, Libya, Morocco, Algeria, and Egypt. They had been bad little kittens, and as such deserved nothing but the sternest, straightest lines the British Map Maker could draw.

And draw them he did! Occasionally an obvious delineation like the river Jordan or the odd unavoidable mountain range, would be incorporated to save time, but where there was nothing but sand, a straight edge was simpler, and deliciously elegant to the British Map Maker.

After the maps were drawn came naming the boxes. Instead of Mesr or Marrakesh, he chose Egypt and Morocco. When he was done with the names, came governance.

When asked by the British Map Maker, "How do you govern?" The Arab and Bedouin looked at each other in wide-eyed confusion. "What do you mean govern?" they Saud, I mean, said.

"How do you rule your people?" the British Map Maker asked.

"Uh, we don't actually rule our people, it's kind an of all for one, one for all, tribal leader kind of thing, maybe you wouldn't understand." the Arab and the Bedouin tried to answer.

"Nonsense and Pshaw!" the British Map Maker snorted. Then he twirled his mustache thoughtfully for a while, until a gleam came to his eyes.

"I know, we'll jolly well call you kings, and your land kingdoms! It's bloody well worked for us, I do say!" and after another fond twirl of his mustache, another gleam appeared and he said, "I say old chap, how would you like to be King of Jordan, and you Mr. Saudi, yes you with the robe, how would you like to be King of Arabia? No? How about if we call it Saudi Arabia! Splendid!"

And he went down the line of Arabs and Bedouins handing out Kingdoms and King titles, like sparklers on Guy Fawkes day. Well, maybe not Guy Fawkes day because that is England's National Celebration of Royal Assassination, but it was a most festive moment nonetheless.

When he was done, and after he had also secured the rights to the oil in each new country he had just made up, and before he went to bed that night, the British Map Maker looked one last time at the map. How organized it looked! Pleased with himself, he carefully rolled up the map, turned down the light, leaned over and gave his fat "Missus" a peck on the cheek, and turned in, and turned over, and went to sleep, and dreamed of hunting tigers in India.

And that my children, is how Gaddafi became such a big asshole.


more from bahmani

Wow Daddy... Is that how they value Human Rights?

by amirparvizforsecularmonarchy on

That was a nice bedtime story ..., but daddy; why did they say that their number one priority was human rights when they opposed the Shah and supported khomeini.

Doesn't sound to me like they really care about human rights daddy.

Now they want to support Mojahedin Khalk Daddy... do you think that maybe their agenda in support of the green movement and MEK may not have anything to do with Democracy and Freedom, 

Profits before human lives daddy, thats the law of the wild wild west.

Veiled Prophet of Khorasan


by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on

but daddy; why they kept all these buttholes in power and instead staged a revolution in Iran to kick out the king of Iran - where for millenniums kings were "actually" in power and it was "actually" a kingdom?

Because the Shah wanted to advance Iran forward and British hated him. Because Shah was demanding market prices for oil and that made the British very mad. Because he got too independent from his masters and forgot who is the boss. 

Freemasons Exposed

My children you are all missing the point!!!

by Freemasons Exposed on

The point here is not that it is not wheather it is british or US map makers at work. it is impirial interest that is at work, and who are the impirial intrest you may ask? 

they are ellite families who rule the world through the proxy system; we in the west call a WESTERN DEMOCROCY. these familes have controlled and most are still in control of the financial system, ownership of the federal reserve bank (Rothchilds and rockerfellars to name the most famous), owner ship of media through their chosen star zionist Rupert murduc, who contolls about 60% of the corporate media. these famillies or blood lines as they call them selfs have litraly wrote the history of man kind for the past 400 years.

Now we get back to the point of why they got rid of the monarchy in Iran, they got rid of it because they brought to power and then lost relative control and as Rambo put it they (MONARCHY) was EXPENDABLE!!

the same thing has litteraly reocourred in iran, but this time we have them backing khamenei and ahmadigoon against the iranian people and they want to reshap or map as well by starting this ARAB GULF bull shit that most iranian get pissed about.



Line in the sand

by divaneh on

Thanks Bahmani for the good read. What is missing is the Othomans against whom British mobilised the nomads.

Immortal Guard

Map Maker and/or Landscape Architect?

by Immortal Guard on

Only somebody who loves gardening (politically correct "landscape architecting") can become a great map maker!


The American Map Maker

by bahmani on

When the British Map Maker finally came around to trying to draw Iran's map, a new Map Maker had come on the scene and told the British Map Maker to "Suck it!".

This upset the British Map Maker and while he was busy being upset, the American Map Maker stole all the oil concessions the British map Maker had gotten from the Arab and the Bedouin, and after it was all said and done, the American Map Maker looked at the British Map Maker and said,

"Just because I like you, and I don't have the time or desire to redraw your maps, and now that I've got all your oil, I'll let you work on this little project I have been trying to get someone else to do for me."

The British Map Maker realizing he was still valid, became excited and asked, "Why! Whatever is this wonderful project, you speak of?"

The American Map Maker handed the British Map Maker a new map and said, "Here, I want you to create a new country, talk to my good friend Moishe, he'll fill you in on all the details."

And with that the American Map Maker went to bed, leaned over and spanked his wife's hot American pear-shaped ass, and went to sleep, and dreamed of a far off land called Viet-Nam where small hot Asian chicks romped around gleefully in their underwear, in the rice paddys.


Thanks daddy

by afyoun on

That was a nice bedtime story ..., but daddy; why they kept all these buttholes in power and instead staged a revolution in Iran to kick out the king of Iran - where for millenniums kings were "actually" in power and it was "actually" a kingdom? Where were the british three milleminniums back, daddy?

Is that a kind of opposite Monday, daddy?  Or is it that they think like children - always doing the opposite to piss you off? Or is it because if they intentionally spoil the game to steal other children's toys?