Mother vs Wife; whos #1 for Persian men

Faramarz_Fateh
by Faramarz_Fateh
12-Dec-2008
 

Last night I was having a conversation with a good friend who is on the verge of divorce from his wife after 3 years; I think there is something to be said for the 3 year itch.   Fortunately they don't have any children.

My friend was 41 when he married his wife, a 29 year old very beautiful Persian woman from Austrailia.  My friend, a plastic surgeon had gone to the Gold coast and saw her in a party and was in love instantly.  She, in love with the USA and the chance of being the wife of a pretty nice and normal man with huge future income potential, agreed to marry him after 2.5 weeks of "dating".

Her major complain is that for him, his mother is #1 and it should be her.  I can't say I disagree with her.  Once a man gets married to a woman, she needs to, actually must become the #1 priority of the man.

But, lets face it; you are talking about an Iranian man who is first born and a Doktor!!  Automatically he is God in that family.  Plus, he has been #1 for his mother for 41 years.  There is no way he can switch his feelings from the mom to the wife.  Thats just human nature and reality.

Granted, if he had gotten married at 21 instead of 41, yes; it would have been MUCH easier.

But you women need to use common sense.  If you get married to a Persian man over the age of 35, beware.  The mother is going to be your havoo for a while.  Deal with it.  Normally after the first child things change. 

 

Balatarin
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I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

Smothering not mothering

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on Fri Dec 12, 2008 03:43 PM PST

Just painting a picture. It's not weird that she doesn't speak English. It's weird that they do this on a weekly basis ALL DAY. Not just a couple hours in the afternoon. It's a weird picture to observe each week. If you think I'm suggesting he should toss his mom aside, you're jumping to conclusions. By the way, he does not treat his wife like that. That was the point of my story. My point is that this person neglects his wife and spends his weekends with his mom instead. I think telling your mom the details of your marriage is also bad. If my brother did this, well, his wife would be upset. It's not healthy, most of all because the wife is excluded.

I truly believe in the saying 'if you love someone set them free." This mother smothers. Also Javaneh, what I'm driving at is a healthy balance. Neither forgetting your mother nor spending so much time with her that wifey is put off. There's a fine line. Also, in some cases, Iranian men will go for their mom because the mom will not deny the son, tell him he's wrong and stupid. There's comfort in that. Similarly, mothers want to rescue their grown Iranian babies too. But we have to be careful. I think What FF is saying is true. If you marry an Iranian above 35, be prepared to also be married to that mother.


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javaneh29

We reap what we sow

by javaneh29 on Fri Dec 12, 2008 03:21 PM PST

As a mother of a son I want to say that I hope my son remembers to spend some quality time with me when he gets married. Perhaps not an afternon a week, but on a regular basis.

My grandmother always told me, 'watch how your man treats his mother.... because if he neglects her or forgets her, he knows nothing of loyalty and he will do the same to you'.

In the case above, 2.5 weeks is ridiculous. We reap what we sow.

Marge khanoom, are you always so judgemental? 'he is bald and 46' ... what has that to do with anything? ....'they watch romantic comedies' , perhaps they like romantic comedies... whats wrong with that? Do you know the circumstances of his mothers life?  So what if she doesnt speak english. This constitutes 'weird' ....?????????

And if he's so 'weird' perhaps the wife is pleased to have some time to herself.

Javaneh


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Tahirih

I am mother of a young man and a daughter in law.

by Tahirih on Fri Dec 12, 2008 02:47 PM PST

As my son is getting older , I can see a glimpse of how it will be in the future, being a mother in law!

So I am both , or will be both. I believe that our hearts should be large enough to be able to love both the same. Just because a new woman comes to his life , I should not be yesterdays news. But at the same time his priority should be his wife and children.

So love should not change, but priority should, just like when the second child is born, we still love the first child but our attention gets divided ,and for awhile more to the infant because of feedings and so on.

I still remind my husband to visit his mother alone to have quality time together, so she can tell him stuff that are meant for mother and son. The unfortunate thing is that we do not see extended families in the north America  as much and the beauty of it, everyone brings a gift to this mix, and we should not forget our Eastern loyalty, lets keep our Persian loyalty to our parents, so our children can see and learn.But at the same time being sensitive to our spouses needs.

This was my 2 cents,

Tahirih


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I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

LOL I know a guy like this. Middle Aged Diaper wearers

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on Fri Dec 12, 2008 12:29 PM PST

Every Sunday instead of hanging out with his wife, he picks up his mom and takes her to the movies. He tells her all the latest news about the couple's life. Poor wife. They always see the latest romantic comedies. Personally, I think it's unhealthy and weird. I think it's great to be with your mom and spend time with her.... but a bald, 46 year old man doing this is strange. Also, his mother does not speak a word of English except Please and thank you. WEIRD.


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