Siamack Baniameri's blog

Thank you, Apple

Siamack Baniameri — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 06:11:19 +0000

To: Tim Cook, CEO

Apple, Inc.

1 Infinite Loop

The Oscars acceptance speech Farhadi never gave…

Siamack Baniameri — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 03:29:24 +0000

I want to thank the members of the academy for finally recognizing quality moviemaking. For 33 years, we Iranian filmmakers have been making depressing movies about self-serving women and righteous men with endings that left audiences scratching their heads, wondering vaaate faak just happened. And for 33 years the academy ignored us. We perfected the art of long sighs, countless quiet scenes that lead to other quiet scenes, artificial sexual tensions followed by occasional but unintentional gay scenes.

Pissing on Taliban

Siamack Baniameri — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 07:23:57 +0000

Once again, the world was stunned by a YouTube video showing images of US Marines urinating on bodies of dead Taliban fighters. Many insincere politicians expressed regrets and disgust with the images and called the incident a gross failure of the US military code of conduct. Some called the incident, yet, another tool for jihadist to recruit fresh meat and some called it Obama’s Abu Ghraib moment.

Flashmob and One Voice, what a bunch of Bull Crap…

Siamack Baniameri — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 01:56:15 +0000

Like many of you, I have been watching the cyber warriors’ attempts at disbanding Islamic Republic with their keyboards and webcams, and asking myself: what the…?

The so-called Flahsmob and One Voice Campaign not to mention the virtual demonstrations at the Azadi square, cybernetic hunger strikes and internet funerals for decedents… Are you serious?! When did we turn into cyber nutcases!

To the brave people of Egypt ... screw you!

Siamack Baniameri — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 06:34:40 +0000

Reading between the lines

Siamack Baniameri — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 03:06:06 +0000

Like pieces of puzzle, it is all coming together. It is inevitable. The war with Iran—that is. The signs are everywhere. Any individual with access to internet can clearly see the unnerving symbolism. The wheel has been set in motion and there is no turning back. The two countries are on a collision course and just about everything around us is pointing to that unfortunate direction.

My bad!

Siamack Baniameri — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 02:08:45 +0000

In light of president Ahmadinejad’s statement that we do not have homosexuals in Iran, I would like to personally apologize to all those that I accused of being gay including:

- The next door neighbor’s son, Majid, who was caught masturbating while rolling on the poster of George Michael

- My aunt’s husband Javad who was caught by my aunt, having sex with Baba Mamad the housekeeper

Wishful thinking!

Siamack Baniameri — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 14:11:13 +0000

Do you ever wonder what would it be like if the Iranian revolution was led by a group of fashion models? Imagine how different things could’ve been.

Instead of sending the revolutionary guards to train Iraqi insurgents to blow things up, we would’ve sent an elite unit of fashion designers to fit insurgents with the latest designer Jeans.

The Mahdi army would’ve been led by Muqtader Al-Parada. And instead of Al-Malaki, the Prime Minister of Iraq would’ve been Giorgio Al-Armani.

The volunteer!

Siamack Baniameri — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 03:32:49 +0000

An activist friend told me that he is spending just about all his free time volunteering to work for NIAC and to bring public awareness to execution of juveniles in Iran and he still can’t get laid. I told him he should try Hybrid car clubs.

27-year-old virgin

Siamack Baniameri — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 22:46:34 +0000

A 27-year-old Iranian Baha’i virgin told me the other day that he has chosen to wait and share a beautiful moment with a woman who will knock him off his pants. He explained that the woman he’s talking about is of course his future wife. He also exclaimed that he has no yearning for cigarettes, alcohol or drugs since he is high on life.

Choosing my words carefully, I told him, “Dude … you’re gay!”

Making love to readers

Siamack Baniameri — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 02:56:00 +0000

A Blogger told me that every time he posts a new Blog, he
feels like he’s making love to his readers. I told him, “Move out of your parents’
basement and get a job, you fucking pussy.”

Lovin' it

Siamack Baniameri — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 00:54:19 +0000

Somewhere between 12th and 14th
century, we Iranians got together and decided to completely ditch sensibility,
logic and rationality.

I don’t know about you but I’m enjoying every minute of
it.

Shit that keeps me up

Siamack Baniameri — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 16:23:14 +0000

I often wonder what happens if a suicide bomber finds out that one of his 40 virgins is not a virgin.

What is the return policy in heaven?

Can the bomber get a refund? Is there an exchange program?

Do they have plastic surgeons on-call to patch up the damaged good?

What if the bomber is a homosexual? Can he request for male virgins instead? How would the gay suicide bomber tell if his 40 male virgins are really virgins?

Shit like this keeps me up all night!

Imam Mehdi's call center

Siamack Baniameri — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 15:08:32 +0000

I saw in CNN that a call center in Iranian city of Ghome answers calls from folks who want to contact Imam Mehdi.

All along I’m thinking that it’s just a matter of time for Imam Mehdi’s call center to be outsourced to India.