How to treat your grandparents so they never come back to visit you in America...

1- Do not bother to get up when they enter the room.

2- Whatever they say, be against it.

3- Sink in the coach and keep your legs open.

4- Pretend you don’t understand Farsi.

5- Act repulsed when they want to kiss you.

6- Bring an uninvited rude redneck friend to the ‘mehmooni’.

7- Make fun of their first name.

8- Refuse to speak Persian.

9- Put your feet up on the table.

10- Yell at your parents in front of them.

11- Keep calling them when you know they are at their prayer.

12- Blow your nose as loud as you can.

13- Tell them they deserve the form of government they live under.

14- Scratch your crotch in front of them.

15- Remind them it is 2008 , and we are in America, every time they want to give you a piece of advice based on their experience.

16- Act frustrated when they want you to translate something.

17- Teach them the phrase “you are a doushbag”, and tell them it means “you are so kind”.

18- Buy them a cool computer software for their birthday.

19- Complain of the smell every time they leave the bathroom.

20- When you are really needed, disappear, and tell them you have things to do, it’s not Iran where people are “alaaf”.

21- Stare at their bald spots or scars on their head.

22- Ignore the ‘mehmoonee’ and the guests; turn the TV on for the football game and cheer for your team loudly.

23- Give the presents they brought you, back : You don’t use these junks in America.

24- Ask them about their sex life.

25- Take them for a drive on an empty gas, and when they offer to pay for the gas, let them.

26- Make out with your girlfriend/boyfriend, in front of them.

27- Refuse to eat the weird stuff they cook. Just come home with a McDonald’s burger.

28- Hide the ‘aaftaabeh’ before they go in.

29- Defend the Iranian government.