My Resume

 1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate
 
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,  but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe
 
3.  After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job
 
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting
 
5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
 
6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard
 
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy
 
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
 
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.
 
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that  I couldn't live on my net income.
 
11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
 
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. 
 
13. After many years of trying to find steady work! I finally got a job as a Historian until I realized there was no future in it.
 
14. My last job was working in Starbucks,but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
 
15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!