The Anatomy of the Islamic Republic of Iran

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The Anatomy of the Islamic Republic of Iran
by Fesenjoon2
03-Oct-2012
 

The Islamic Republic of Iran is like no other country on Earth. It has no well defined organized structure, defies all principles of economics and management, constantly has lack of esteem issues, craves for war with others, and openly declares its own self-preserving interests above that of its people. Political scholars have for years tried to analyze and dissect this hodge-podge mix of a regime. Is it a theocratic republic? Is it a clerical monarchy? Is it a totalitarian oligarchy? Is it all three? What the fuck is it?

Perhaps this diagram can help shed some light on this mystery that has baffled the modern world for 35 years.

Legend 

1: Majles. The supposed brains of the Republic. This is where the democratic institution to lead and guide the country should be centered. Unfortunately, for the case of Iran, the brain is far too small and undeveloped, and only controls lower body functions dictated by the hormonal urges of #2, #11, and of course #4.

2: IRGC (Sepah Pasdaran). where the economy of the country is controlled. gets to decide what is ingested (imported), discharged (exported), and digested (budgets, taxes, etc). Often holds the wellbeing of the entire country hostage. 

3: Office of the President. The butthole and ideological product of the system (nezam). When this organ of the country opens its anus (mouth), others immediately try to take cover from the obnoxious gas and droppings, but #5 usually ends up getting stuck in it anyway. Hence the constant bickering between #3 and #5.   

4: Rahbar. The tokhm of the nezam. Must be protected at all costs by all other organs, otherwise the system will not be able to sustain its existence for long. This organ has the power to override and veto all other organs in terms of hierarchy: If it has the urge, the other organs must comply.

5: The Judiciary, Council of Guardians, Assembly of Experts (Khobregan), and Expediency Council. These are what the country practically runs on. 

6: Ministry of Intelligence (including plainclothes vigilantes). The ever watchful eyes of the keepers, custodians, and guardians of the system.

7: Central Bank. One of the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of the country. If it chokes, chances are the rest will too.

8: The cyber army and west residing employees of the regime. These are the supporters of the regime in chat rooms, forums, IC blogs, always complaining about Israel and American imperialism, and secretly relaying sensitive info about the diaspora back to HQ.

9: The mouth of the regime. This PR tool is in charge of spreading false information and making loud noises about Israel or anything else that can distract attention away from the real problems of the country. Does not appreciate the competition from #3. This mouth is usually big, and it smells due to lack of hygiene. It can also be used for biting e.g. in the capacity of hardline newspaper editors (Shariati), pundits (Hasan Abbasi), etc. 

10: Leftist intellectuals, IRI supporters, and velayat madaar elements. These are the people that are always seen demonstrating on "Youmullah 22 Bahman" and other state arranged demonstrations against the "doshman" (the enemy). They are often easily perfumed by the gaseous discharges of #3, and often smell due to proximity to #4 and #11, as well. They occupy otherwise no important place in the country, but wiggle and move around alot to attract attention and declare their presence (ommat-e hamisheh dar sahneh). 

11: The Basij. The length of this organ is a direct function of the whims and urges of #4.

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Shazde Asdola Mirza

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Fesenjoon2

Im also your father, PF

by Fesenjoon2 on

Did you know?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf5iDCY8UO4

and guess how I met your mother. mwwwahahaha... 


Peacock_Feather

There you go

by Peacock_Feather on

If it walks like a duck, sooner or later it will quack like the duck too and admit to being what it is.


Fesenjoon2

Thanks PF

by Fesenjoon2 on

I'd be honored to be called an Israeli. They helped us in the war against Iraq. 

In fact I will write a blog in honor of Israel, now that you mention it.

Thanks for the idea! 


Anonymous Observer

Fesenjoon

by Anonymous Observer on

I shared the John Lajoie video at work, and everyone was in stitches--and we're talking about some serious nerds here (myself included).  It's one of the finniest videos I've ever seen.

"Searching for the purpose of the universe sucks ...." Now that's funny!!! 


Peacock_Feather

Because, Fesenjoon2

by Peacock_Feather on

You ain't no homeboy. Like I said, more than likely you are Israeli.


vildemose

"I don't even like the

by vildemose on

"I don't even like the things I like..."

"I'm not gay, I just don't give a f**k about straight sex..."

 

 You can't make this stuff up...This has been a very entertaining evening, indeed.  

 

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir


Anonymous Observer

Hilarious!!!

by Anonymous Observer on

That's great...you're right dude.  It's even better than the other one!

A couple of my favorite quotes:

"I don't even like the things I like..."

"I'm not gay, I just don't give a f**k about straight sex..."

Priceless.  Thanks Dude!!! 


Fesenjoon2

I dont have to prove anything to you PF. Believe what u like.

by Fesenjoon2 on

Now if youll excuse me, I have work to do.


Peacock_Feather

Don't Evade, Fesenjoon2

by Peacock_Feather on

Prove what you claimed.


Fesenjoon2

AO

by Fesenjoon2 on

Dude,

If you think that Lil John Cookbook song was funny, check this one out:

The lyrics are hilarious. Right up the "F*** whitey" alley: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulIOrQasR18 


Peacock_Feather

I don't believe you

by Peacock_Feather on

Prove it!


Fesenjoon2

hah hah

by Fesenjoon2 on

Well I have a PhD, and I studied at Tehran University.

The fact that youre here 24/7 shows youre a teenager. Grownups have bills to pay, jobs to do, responsibilities to keep.

Cheers 

 

 


Anonymous Observer

Dude, that's a great video

by Anonymous Observer on

I had never heard it before.  Thanks for posting.  Enjoyed it, especially in light of the fact that I was just about to use a recipe book to cook myself something. :-)


Fesenjoon2

AO

by Fesenjoon2 on

ever since PF posted that "Black Power/F*** whitey" stuff, I keep thinking of this rap song. So funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLNNWItMSuo&feature=related 


Peacock_Feather

FYI

by Peacock_Feather on

I have a graduate degree in classical Persian as well as Arabic literature. My Persian is by definition better than yours.

No, you're an Israeli - like your other chums here - and your peculiar smug arrogance is the indicator.  You ain't no homeboy!


Anonymous Observer

Seriously, Vildemose jaan

by Anonymous Observer on

I don't think any intelligence service, even the IR's, is desparate enough to take in a lying, lunatic, untrustworthy, shady chracter like this loser into its ranks.  He's a walking liability.  


Fesenjoon2

blah blah blah

by Fesenjoon2 on

PF

Go first learn how to write proper Farsi, then come here and accuse others of not being Iranian.

I think youre actually a Bahai trying to generate sympathy by posting all that anti-Bahai sh**.


Peacock_Feather

Well, well, well...

by Peacock_Feather on

Pull out the old he-might-be-a-MOSSAD-agent canard when things look bad for you. Where have I heard that one before? Wait a minute, talk.religion.bahai on USENET...

That must be listed under the "desperate tactics" section of your BIA manual. Turn back to the contents page and you'll find better ones than this silly nonsense.

You people sound desperate now.


vildemose

Dear AO: I think you might

by vildemose on

Dear AO: I think you might be on to something...

I would not be surprised if FP and his thousands of other usernames might be a Mossad agent; painting Iranians as militant, violent, anti-US,  bigotted Islamists who need to be invaded. Notice, that he never says anything inflammatory about the MEK.

Good catch.

 

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir


Anonymous Observer

Vildemose jaan - also on these parasites

by Anonymous Observer on

I wrote a blog about them: 

http://iranian.com/main/blog/anonymous-observer/ar...

Unfortunately, there are too many of them around. 


Peacock_Feather

Cat got your tongue, AO?

by Peacock_Feather on

Or are you just mumbling in Hebrew to yourself?!

If the 19th century charlatan and hogheh-baaz whose corpse you people presently harbor in occupied Palestine was a prophet, then I am God!

How's that for entertainment value, Schlomo?


Peacock_Feather

Let me put it to you this way

by Peacock_Feather on

But first let me say this to you: you know nothing and understand nothing! Nor do I care to prove or demonstrate anything to someone who doesn't have the manhood to emerge from behind the convenience of their alias and internet handle. For all I know, you may really be an Israeli. I don't know you're an Iranian. Prove it to me by revealing your real identity.

This isn't about religion at all, although from my end it is about the right of a smaller & older community (which the Baha'is have attempted to stamp out and erase from the pages of history) to exist and be heard. This is also more importantly than anything about a powerful political bloc supported by parasitic Western capitalist looters and Zionist rapists who are attempting to take power in Iran by force and socially engineer a Baha'i theocracy and Baha'o-Stalinist totalitarian religious dictatorship there which will make the reign of the mullahs look like nothing by comparison.

The state of Iranian education is fine, and education is never dependent on institutions. Iranian students by and large have proven themselves to be better than their peers from other countries. The proof is in the manner these students excel within the environment of foreign universities at virtually anything they do. So even though the IRI robs them in its way, the parents and peers of these students instill values into these students that no one - and least of all the West - could ever instill on its own. This proves that the grassroots of Iranian society even under the mullahs is far superior to anything that passes for the same in the West; and with that, with or without the IRI, the state of Iranian education and Iranian students will always be among the best in the world because these students are the best in the world due to the fact that the culture which rears them is the best in the world!


Anonymous Observer

Isn't this entertaining?

by Anonymous Observer on

We have a fat, bald Iranian (who thinks he's a prophet), sitting behind his computer shouting "black power."  :-)))))

Entertainment just doesn't get any better than this!!!  

Keep the crazy train rolling! 


Fesenjoon2

Let me put it another way for you PF

by Fesenjoon2 on

Even if you post 1000 links and documents, and they are all true about bahais, it wont matter.

Because I care about Iran and problems related to Iranians at the moment. Not the Bahai temple in Haifa and India, or whether Bahaullah was a British spy, or what some court ruling says about some bahais, or what their book says.

You forget that I dont give a crap about ANY religion: Bahaism and Babism are derivatives of Islam, which itself is a revised copy of Christianity and Judaism, which are in turn plagiarized copies of Mithraism, Zoroastrian dualism, and a bunch of Pagan beliefs from ancient Egypt to Gilgamesh, to Moon worshipping Meccans.

You think Modern Science is stupid. I think religion is. So your Bahai-bashing links dont impress me, because I dont care about religion.

What I care about is Iran, its universities, its economy, its policies, its foreign relations, its riots, protests, its diaspora. Do you have anything to add to those topics without dragging the discussion into Bahai/Israeli claims? 

BTW, I said farsi, not Pinglish with dast-o paa shekasteh sentences. Any 3rd generation Iranian-American teenager can manage a Pinglish sentence. If youre really from Iran, it should show in your vocabulary and farsi syntax.   


Peacock_Feather

You people in the USA

by Peacock_Feather on

Have such a warped sense of the rest of the world. Just because Ayn Rand appears to dictate your views on just about everything, you believe what that trick immigrant rightwing nutcase says constitutes gospel truth and so the way of things everywhere else. It doesn't.

Other than in the classist dyostopia that is the moral cesspool known as the USA, welfare is not considered a slur or a bad thing anywhere else. Welfare and universal healthcare are givens in everybody's life (and have been for decades) outside of the borders of that warped hell whole that is your dyostopic home. Heck, even your leash-holders in Zionistan accord their citizenry state welfare and universal healthcare. Socialism rules!

Iranians in Iran should take note of the kind of callous classism these wannabe thugs with silver spoons in their mouths in the USA bring with them. These are the people who want to bring "democracy" and "freedom" to Iran.

Burn Atlas Shrugged! Make a toilet out of Ayn Rand's grave! Love live Iran! Down with parasitic American capitalism and its advocates!


Anonymous Observer

Never a contender Vildemose jaan

by Anonymous Observer on

Just a loser, hiding behind hate and bigotry, and totally dependent on his pretend enemy for his mere existence.  


vildemose

  Now go fill up

by vildemose on

 

Now go fill up another welfare application to beg for money from the white man.

Very sad, indeed. He could have been contender.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QsNXd57Ppw

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir


Peacock_Feather

Nope

by Peacock_Feather on

Don't know what you're talking about regarding any photos. And, psstttt, you have been engaging quite a bit even though you have said you wouldn't. You can't help yourself. Now if the engaging was for real and without the levers of censorship in your hands, you and I both know your hide would be all mine, Mr anti-Iranian and not-so-Anonymous_Observer ;O)

And what do you have against welfare applicants, classist snob. Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, eh, or is your name Mitt "47%" Romney?

F*&^ whitey! Black Power!

 

 


vildemose

 Ayahuasca: Ayahuasca

by vildemose on

 Ayahuasca:

Ayahuasca (ayawaska pronounced [ajaˈwaska] in the Quechua language) is any of various psychoactive infusions or decoctions prepared from the Banisteriopsis spp. vine, usually mixed with the leaves of dimethyltryptamine (DMT)-containing species of shrubs from the genus Psychotria. The brew, first described academically in the early 1950s by Harvard ethnobotanist Richard Evans Schultes, who found it employed for divinatory and healing purposes by the native peoples of Amazonian Colombia, is known by a number of different names (see below). It has been reported that some effects can be had from consuming the caapi vine alone, but that DMT-containing plants (such as Psychotria) remain inactive when drunk as a brew without a source of monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI) such as B. caapi. How indigenous peoples discovered the synergistic properties of the plants used in the ayahuasca brew remains unclear. While many indigenous Amazonian people say they received the instructions directly from plants and plant spirits, researchers have devised a number of alternative theories to explain its discovery.[1]

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir