US Army interviews

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divaneh
by divaneh
27-Dec-2010
 

Yesterday JJ gave his sincere apology for the US army advertisements in the IC. I think there was no need for such apology as it seems that those advertisements have raised a good deal of interests between IC members as revealed by the latest release of the confidential cables by the wikileaks that contain parts of the US Army interviews. Let me know if you come across any other leaks.

Here are the leaks:

* * * * *

- Let me get my head round this JJ. You have come for the interview but you say that you do not want the position.

- Yes, it was my assistant who sent the application.

- But here is the covering letter. It has your signature.

- Yes, I signed it, but I didn’t send it. My assistant sent it.

- Does it mean you are going to refund us the travel expenses paid for you to travel from Budapest to New Mexico?

- Could do, but I need to discuss it with a few friends in Thailand. I just need some travel assistance to get there.

* * * * *

- So Mahmoudg, what did get you interested in this position?

- Bombing Iran.

- Anything else?

- Bombing it again?

* * * * *

- Thanks for coming Samsam. Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Omar.

- You arabophile omati tokhm ghades. You shaikhaks want to attack the kiani land again. The sons of Ariobarzan will show you camel herders. You were just lucky in Nahavand because Constantin had tired us out.

* * * * *

- Thanks for your heartfelt CV Azarin. I, ... I, ..., I am so emotional now.

* * * * *

- Q, I ask for the sixteenth time. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

- YAWN. Palestinians are suffering in the hand of Zionists.

- That is not the answer to my question.

- BORING. More of the same. So according to you Lebanese should not defend themselves.

* * * * *

- So Souri, has there been a situation where you have left something to others to sort out?

- Yes, plenty, but I just tried to guide them first.

* * * * *

- That torch is dazzling my eyes VPK. Do you mind if you take it of your face. Ah, that’s better. Why do you dress like the angel of death?

* * * * *

- I had a bit of problem reading your CV to the end Dr Saadat Noury. It’s about 80 pages which is a little over the top. I have read the six pages of poems by different poets about education under the EDUCATION heading. There are also 14 pages of poems about skills and another 24 pages about experience. Do you think you can summarise it a little bit?

- Yes, perhaps we can take out that Ghaside by Farokhi Sistani.

* * * * *

- I have been very surprised to receive your application No Fear. I thought you supported the regime.

- Yes, but one can only progress by changing jobs.

* * * * *

- This is the end of the interview Faryarm, and I am sorry you have not been successful in this instance. It seems that your main purpose of coming here was to change my religion.

* * * * *

- Tell me Mr Kadivar, has there been an instance that you reached compromise with someone else?

- Yes, I once had a difference of opinion with someone who thought RP was king (shah) and I insisted that he was king of kings (Shahanshah) and we continued debating it for 16 hours.

- Did you reach an agreement?

- Yes, we agreed to disagree.

* * * * *

- I have now described the position Yolanda. Do you think it’s for you?

- OMG, you described it so beautifully.

- What is omg?

* * * * *

- That is the end of the interview Ms Rusta. Do you have any question for me?

- Yes, who killed Razmara?

* * * * *

- I am sorry Virgin Goth, I don’t find any relevant skills in your CV.

- knw. # ^ my bf saz go 4 it . <

* * * * *

- Now Sargord Pirouz, tell me about a situation where you helped a friend.

- A friend? ..a,.. a friend? ..friend? .. Yeh, once my mom was carrying the shopping....

* * * * *

- I am sorry Fussygorilla, you can’t keep applying with different names. And you have a poor taste in choosing names if I may say so.

* * * * *

- Yes, that’s ok Maziar, you can carry Oregano as a US soldier.

* * * * *

- Ok Sahameddin, let me start with the page of the supporting information that you have provided. You have written “ Why don’t we all form one army and work together, our earth is big enough for all of us, let’s forget the differences and help each other to make a better world”. Well that’s the title.

* * * * *

- - - - - - - - - - -

I apologise in advance if these leaks have annoyed anyone. I am just on a roll to make more friends recently.

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more from divaneh
 
SamSamIIII

re; What is KFRI?

by SamSamIIII on

 

KFRI is short for Kiaani Federal republic of Iran based in Anarctica where Omaru motorcyclists are fed to Polar bears in Dome of Argus fire temple. & yes there shall be a Radio station named KFRI 641AD to play the offering music ::)).

Cheers!!!

 

Path of Kiaan Resurrection of True Iran Hoisting Drafshe Kaviaan //iranianidentity.blogspot.com //www.youtube.com/user/samsamsia


divaneh

Dear Friends

by divaneh on

Dr Saadat Noury Aziz,

Thanks for your kind comment. I just had to pull a few friends legs including those that I view as the best bloggers in the IC such as yourself.

Faramarz Jaan,

I don't think that job is for you anyway. No swimming pool, no sex and no sandwich. Secretary's desk however is a different story.

Dear Maziar,

Thanks for the leaks; I think I am now heading to the South of Iran before Faramarz gets there.


ebi amirhosseini

Divaneh Jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on

Priceless satire!.Will you honor us with part II please !!??

Sepaas 

Happy New Year.

Ebi aka Haaji


maziar 58

funny

by maziar 58 on

Thank you Divaneh for our (eeidi) with your funny blog.

on a seriouse side let leak some report from that front(the secret mission).

in the northern part(gilan ) the soldiers & interperters are being so entertained that they refuse to go further south.!

And in the south (khuzestan) every blond with green eyes are so welcomed that they all abandon their stuffs saying F**# to America.! Happy new year             Maziar


divaneh

Samsam Jaan

by divaneh on

Thanks for reading and for your feedback. These are only caricatures of some of IC members and in no way how I perceive these people (with exception of a few). Would have been a fool if I did. I have just taken one dimension (and in some instances created one) and magnified it as a caricaturist do. Now to use a little more of your vocabulary, thanks pal.


Faramarz

Funny Leaks

by Faramarz on

Very funny and creative Divaneh!

I couldn't get passed the secretary's desk for my interview. It is the new US Army policy "Do Ask and Do Tell!" So I spilled the beans as usual!

I liked Yolanda's the best.

 


M. Saadat Noury

Thanks for your excellent blog

by M. Saadat Noury on

 

There is an objective reality out there, but we view it through the spectacles of our beliefs, attitudes, and values.  ~David G. Myers, Social Psychology

All the Best & Wishing You a Very Happy New Year!


Sargord Pirouz

?

by Sargord Pirouz on

Kerala Forest Research Institute?
Korea Food Research Institute?
Radio station KFRI 88.1FM?
KFRI Airport?

I admit to my own ignorance. What is KFRI?


SamSamIIII

:) A good, funny & somewhat factual satirical sketch

by SamSamIIII on

 

of one's perception of another.  After all, we are defined as who we're percieved to be in the eyes of the others. & just so you know the only time I would ever apply for a translator job would be not for US Army but KFRI and not from English to Farsi but Farsi to Parsi .

& Divaneh geramii;, In cyber space I enjoy the luxury of letting you see only the dimension I want you to see which is a kiaanophil;:)) & at that you fared well in your reportage.

btw*you missed a few adabiati cultists from the list but nevertheless funny enough.

Cheers!!!

 

Path of Kiaan Resurrection of True Iran Hoisting Drafshe Kaviaan //iranianidentity.blogspot.com //www.youtube.com/user/samsamsia


divaneh

Thanks Sargord

by divaneh on

For reading and for taking it as what it was intended to be, light-hearted humour.


divaneh

Dear Souri

by divaneh on

I am sorry but it seems whatever I say will be interpreted wrong. With the comment that you have asked me to remove, it is already in your comment and if I remove it other people may think it was something offensive. I asked me and I explained it and I leave it at that.


Sargord Pirouz

This was pretty funny. My

by Sargord Pirouz on

This was pretty funny. My favorite one was No Fear. lol

And yeah, when I visit mom, I usually do some shopping for her at her local supermarket. She is getting up there in years.  

You know, I did visit a local recruiter twice in my life. The first time was at my university. (I still have a 1980 USMC officer brochure). The second time was in the early 80s. My American cousin was a US Army recruiter at the time and was interested in having me apply as a helicopter pilot. My Iranian dad was very much against it. And I was having too much fun racing motorcycles and driving around in my Corvette to slow down for such a severe lifestyle change.

Those were different days back then, back when we had the second-best tank, the second-best rifle, the second-best APC...and civilians really looked down on the military back then. That's not the case anymore. Pay's a little better than it used to be, too.


Souri

no I didn't just waken up

by Souri on

Actually I have read a few articles and blogs before reading yours.

But your blog made me posting my view, as I found it  not impartial at all.

You still didn't remove that part.

 

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!


Anahid Hojjati

Divaneh, this was one of most hilarious blogs in a while on IC

by Anahid Hojjati on

Dear Divaneh, this was so funny. Thanks for sharing.


divaneh

Dear Souri

by divaneh on

You got this wrong. I have just reminded you that you can add your own leaks as I explained at the top of the blog. "Not being contraversial" also means the opposite in the spirit of this blog. Have you just waken up?


Souri

Divaneh

by Souri on

I wish you removed the last phrase (PS) in your comment.

First of all, this is a free space and if I, wish to post a comment, I wouldn't need your permission.

Secondly, again by the same token, you shouldn't add the condition "as long as they are not controversial". This is only an implication that I (Souri) am able and supposed to do such thing.

Not nice!

PS_ Yes I think our views are very close, most of the time. Generally I appreciate you a lot.

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!


divaneh

Dear Souri

by divaneh on

I think of everyone as a friend. If you refer to people whose views are closer to mine or with whom I have more exchanges then plenty of them are amongst interviewees including yourself. I am pleased you found it funny.

p.s. You can add your own leaks as long as they are not contraversial.


Souri

That was very funny

by Souri on

But I didn't see any interview with your own IC friends.

You mean, they didn't apply?

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!


divaneh

Glad you liked it Shazde

by divaneh on

Wish you a happy year too.


Shazde Asdola Mirza

Absolutely funny ... can't stop laughing ... thanks brother

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

You made my day, and I wish you a great year!

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