Response to Wahid Azal's Legal Demands


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anonymous111.2
by anonymous111.2
25-Nov-2009
 

Due to my legal prowess, I was recently retained by JJ and Iranian.com to respond to the following legal demand posted here by Mr. Azal and his lawyer, Sophia. What follows is a copy of my letter to Attorney Sophia.

 

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I have filed an Appearance in the now infamous case of Wahid Azal, a/k/a Crazy Kookaburra vs. Iranian.com, filed in the Superior Court of Canberra, on behalf of my client, Iranian.com. It is our understanding that Mr. Azal will appear only as an apparition in the courtroom due to his now permanent “out of body” experiences. We have filed the appropriate form with the Court which indicates our agreement to waive his physical appearance.

First, while we understand your client’s strict adherence to the practice of sorcery and magic, we wish to remind you of the Court’s strictly enforced rule banning the following items during court proceedings:chicken bones, whale semen, emu eggs, severed boar’s heads, miniature sized daggers, aborigine face masks and, last but not the least, the items that has given the Courts in Australia much problem in the past with sorcerers: dried and ground kangaroo penis.

Second, we have asked that Judge Mona Weisenstein, a Haifan Israeli Baha’i Jew, be appointed as the trial judge in this case. We assume that you are in agreement with this request. Nonetheless, we ask that you please clarify your position in writing as soon as possible.

Third, my client, Mr. Jahanshah Javid, will not be present in court,and will only offer his testimony via video deposition. There are several reasons for this request. The first, and most important,reason is that the scheduled trial date will interfere with his tanning and manicure appointments, which he had made several months ago with Andre, his “salon and beauty specialist”. The second reason is that Mr. Javid is a firm believer that  The Tasmanian Tiger is not extinct, and that he will be attacked by one of those despicable animals if he sets foot in Australia, even if he does not leave his hotel room. Mr. Javid has reliable intelligence which indicates that several Tasmanian tigers will be dressed as hotel maid staff and will be awaiting his arrival should he decide to travel to Australia. Lastly, my client, Mr. Javid, is not a fan of kangaroo vs. man boxing matches, which we believe to be compulsory events for all travelers to Australia.

Fourth, we have served you with several discovery requests, which I believe are due by next week. As you know the discovery requests seek all documents in Mr. Azal’s possession regarding the Bayani religion, his practice of sorcery, all of his writings and his blogs on Iranian.com. You had indicated in the past that all of those documents, along with Mr. Azal’s super secret magical recipes for potions and potent aphrodisiacs are located in a Samsonite briefcase in Mr. Azal’s Airstream trailer (shown here) which also doubles as his permanent residence. Please be advised that if we do not receive the responses when due, we will wait one week. If we do not receive the documents after one week, we will wait another week. And if we do not receive it after the second week, we will wait for another fifty two weeks, and the end of which grace period we will wait one more week…but that’s it…no more waiting. We will turn into legal [Tasmanian] tigers at that time. Due to the unreliability of telephone and internet communications, I ask that you please have Mr. Azal communicate with me telepathically should you or he have any questions regarding this matter.


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by anonymous111.2 on

I think you are on the wrong blog. :-)


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Status of Request

by sophia on

I have thus far received no communication or correspondence with any attorneys representing Iranian.com, and the 7 day period granted for compliance with the letter of demand is still in effect until Monday November 30, 2009. Since Anonymous111.2 is not a lawyer, nor someone who knows what they are talking about in this context, it should again be emphasized that this request is a serious matter and one not to be taken lightly, and that any bona fide attorneys representing Iranian.com should contact me at this address.  


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I won't touch that Airstream with a ten foot pole. :-)  


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by anonymous111.2 on

Chrome has some advantages.  It's faster and it has the spell checker, which is a God sent.  But when you cut and paste from other software, such MS Word, it distorts the spaces between words, which is annoying, especially when you're in a rush, like I was here.

As far as your other question, God no!  I did, however, send this to a friend of mine who is for review and insertion of legal terminology, and he did a great job.  

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I have stopped using it because so many times will not allow me to log on to my account here in IC.

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Curse Google Chrome

by anonymous111.2 on

for messing up the spaces between words.  Sorry folks.