Santa at the border
With your long beard and your strange brightly-colored
costume, you practically have 'Fanatical Muslim' tattooed
on your forehead! By Niki Tehranchi
December 24, 2003
The Iranian
-- "Passport!"
-- "Errrr... I don't have one my child..."
-- "Hmpph!!! Another refugee uh? Well them show me your travel
document."
-- "I... I am sorry sir, I don't know what you mean.
You want to see my itinerary?"
-- "Awfergedsake... Did you eat your passport in the plane?
Are you another one of those applying for asylum?"
-- "Plane... Why no... I ... I didn't come
by plane... See... There's this couple of reindeers
that I... "
-- "Well if you didn't come by plane, did you try to
jump the fence eh? Thought you could smuggle in through Tijuana
and hide a couple of kilos under your hat. Take off your hat Sir!"
--
"Ummm... errr... This is most unusual... Here, see? Nothing under
my hat? I carry all my presents in my duffel
bag."
-- "Presents? Yeah right! And I suppose you have them all wrapped
up and taped..."
-- "Well yes... isn't that how the kids like their
presents?"
-- "Listen I don't care about your kids! Step aside,
I have to open every single item and inspect them..."
-- "But...but... but you'll ruin the wrapping
paper! And the bows!"
-- "Well you should have thought about that before! I mean
look at you: With your long beard and your strange brightly-colored
costume, you practically have 'Fanatical Muslim' tattooed
on your forehead!"
-- "I... I am sorry... I ... I am not a fanatical anything...I
swear I..."
-- "Yeah, yeah whatever! Ok you're going to have to come
with me, I need your fingerprints and..."
-- "Wha... What?... Why?... Listen my son, you
don't seem to understand... I don't have very much
time here..."
-- "ARE YOU THREATENING ME SIR? ARE YOU MAKING A THREAT AGAINST
OUR NATIONAL SECURITY?"
-- "Nnn... No... Ho Ho Ho... No of course not... I
am just trying to explain..."
-- "Yeah well go explain it to the judge, now give me
your hands so I can handcuff you..."
-- "Oh...Oooohhh... My goodness... Ohhhh...You
are hurting me, these are too tight..."
-- "Keep moving old man, you better hurry up. It's
the last of my shift and I gotta get home. Haven't
you heard?
It's Christmas!"
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