Letters

April 2005
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Dealing with jealousy

On Shohreh Aghdashloo's interview with Voice of America (move forward to 1:07:46) on Friday, April 29, 2005:

Dear Ms. Aghdashloo,

I know how much you are suffering by feeling such a strong envy toward someone else. Please do not treat this as comic material. These are six effective tips to help you overcome your jealousy. I have used them in my own life and have seen wonderful results:

1- Become Bored with It
You can become bored with just about anything. No matter how much you love shrimp scampi, if you eat it every single day, 3 meals a day, your mind would start to block out the flavors.

The same is true for jealousy. Part of what makes jealousy so powerful is that the thought is always there, but you usually refuse to face it head-on. Instead it lingers at the edges, poking at you constantly. You can remove its power to hurt you.

Using other techniques in this area, figure out what is the key trigger for you. Determine what about the situation really upsets you. Now, find a cheap cassette tape and describe the situation verbally. Start playing the tape, and playing it, and playing it, over many days.

The first few times it will be painful to listen - to fully acknowledge what went on. Then your mind will start to say, "Yeah, yeah, I've heard this already ..." and after a while you will be sick and tired of hearing it. "Enough already! So what!" When you reach that point, you'll be able to deal with the jealousy much more easily.

2- Facing your Fears
A lot of jealousy stems over a particular incident, a trigger thought. Maybe you discovered your boyfriend had been cheating on you for months by reading a stray email. A certain image replays in your mind over and over - him working late, chatting tenderly to this other woman, while you sit at home with dinner.

In order to do any work on moving past your jealousy and moving on with your own life, try to figure out what the real "trigger" for you is. It's usually not the general "He is a slime and had an affair". It's usually something very specific - "And then I bet she rolls over and they gaze into each others eyes for hours!!" When you have narrowed down the core image that really upsets you about the situation, you can use the other techniques in this area to help you work through this.

3- Gain Control Over the Pain
Jealousy really only hurts the jealous person - it's often a knife that plunges into the person's emotions, keeping them from being happy. You need to remove the edge from that knife, and while it might still exist, it won't have the power to hurt you any more.

To do this, you need to make the jealousy less painful. Use other techniques in this area to figure out exactly what really hurts the most about the jealousy situation. Now find somewhere sunny, warm, comforting, safe. Close your eyes and imagine yourself safe and strong. Now, start to think about the trigger event.

Imagine exactly what you *would* want to say or do in that situation, with your new strength and power. How would you handle it? What would the ideal resolution be? Build this mental image. If you lose your relaxation, start again, or wait until another time.

After a while, if you think about the trigger, it won't just be a "He is EVIL!!!" irrational thought, but a "Yes, this happened. I have learned SO much and now I know XXXX and YYYY ..." You are stronger and better prepared to deal with your future. You can face it with confidence and strength.

4- Give it Time
Jealousy won't vanish overnight, and it won't vanish without working on it. Admit to yourself that you are jealous, and that this is a response which you can handle and work through. Another person can't "make" you jealous - you choose to react (consciously or subconsciously) to what goes on around you. Another person in your shoes might not be jealous at all!
Think about what in particular makes you upset, and why you choose to be jealous in reaction to it. How does the situation threaten you? What do you fear will happen as a result? Talk to the person about these things, and also write out your own feelings on it. You'll find that understanding the jealousy in the first place is the first step to helping work through it.

5- Look within yourself
Maybe jealousy doesn't always come from your partner being a flirt, or sexy. Perhaps it's something that you have done in the past that makes you not trust yourself, therefor, not trusting him. If you had done something you are ashamed about behind your partner's back, then jealousy could be coming from your not trusting yourself. It's a double edged sword because you have to look inside yourself to see what is making you jealous, but at the same time you're dealing with a painful mistake you've made in the past. Sometimes we don't trust our partners for fear of them doing to you what you've done to them or someone else.

6- Take a Deep Breath
Try to control your jealousy, even if you are jealous about little things, don`t show it to your partner every time you are jealous. Your partner might find it annoying after a while, and you might the opposite effect you want to achieve. Instead, calm down and think, whether you got any reason to get jealous.

Morad Makki

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Aghdash LOL!

On Shohreh Aghdashloo's interview with Voice of America (move forward to 1:07:46) on Friday, April 29, 2005:

Migam ageh Aghdash LOL Oscar ro bordeh bood chi kaar mikard va chi migoft???

Did I miss an awards ceremony or two? Because she sure sounds like a combined 3-time gold medalist and Noble prize winner, who has just made another major medical breakthrough in curing HIV and cancer!

BK

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Googoosh generation

On Shohreh Aghdashloo's interview with Voice of America (move forward to 1:07:46) on Friday, April 29, 2005:

i don't know much about this aghdashloo person, except that i understand that she appearred in a movie with two of my favorites, jennifer connelly and ben kingsley. (i borrowed the dvd from the public library here in las vegas and i could watch it for a few minutes. it was garbage.)

anyhow. i am from the googoosh generation of the 1960's. i find googoosh a very tallented, warm, and entertaining artist. i saw her in person in my hometown of abadan many years ago. she is an iranian mega star and a treasure for us...

movafagh baasheed

issa
las vegas

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Pure jealousy

On Shohreh Aghdashloo's interview with Voice of America (move forward to 1:07:46) on Friday, April 29, 2005:

I agree with the writer of the article "Aghadash who?". What other reason might there be for the venomous attacks of Aghdashloo against Googoosh? Just look up the meaning of jealousy in a reputable dictionary and see for yourself. This feeling arises when someone is endangered by someone else's presence.

It is pure jealousy for sure, you could see it in her eyes when she talked about her. And of course she has every possible reason to be envious towards Googoosh.

No one has ever accused Aghdashloo of being a beautiful woman. After so many plastic surgeries she is not anything special now or as we say in Persian "Changi Be Del Nemizane". Just compare it to the breath taking beauty of Googoosh before and after it historical seclusion.

Aghdashloo can never even imagine the depth of love and adoration Googoosh is receiving from millions of her fans. In fact this popularity may be the real cause of all Aghdashloo's nasty remarks. I remember at least 7 occasions on the air when Aghdashloo said bad things about Googoosh. It means she has no control over it.

And Aghdashloo knows better than anyone else that Googoosh is a born artist and a much more talented actress than her. That is the point she feels endangered. She is haunted by the nightmare that one day Googoosh is invited to act in a movie. On that day no one in Hollywood will spare Aghdashloo a second glance.

But amid all this sea of slander and insult the one who remains passive and calm is Googoosh. She never bothers to answer the likes of Aghdashloo because she's not worth it. Being a gigastar for more than five decades has taught Googoosh that in these occasions she should remain silent and let her critics belittle themselves more and more.

gari gardner

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L.A. attorney

On Shohreh Aghdashloo's interview with Voice of America (move forward to 1:07:46) on Friday, April 29, 2005:

i called voice of america and the guy on the line told me if you want to say something about googoosh you'd better call some other time. i am happy in this new age of internet this kind of autocratic behavior is revealed so soon. and aghdashloo should know that many many people were on the line and wanted to voice their objections but they were not allowed to get their voice heard.

a message for aghashloo:

WHATEVER YOU DO JUST LEAVE OUR DIVA ALONE. YOU ARE NOT THE ATTORNEY FOR OTHER PEOPLE. LET THEM DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES.

it seems to me the people you are talking about have already made up their mind. what other evidence do you need better than the fact that she remined creme de la creme of iranian music and acting in the past 50 years? always on top and always in our hearts.

who is going to remember you ten years from now?

Taraneh Izadi

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American underdog forever

On Shohreh Aghdashloo's interview with Voice of America (move forward to 1:07:46) on Friday, April 29, 2005:

Saman's letter"Aghadash who?" made me really sad not because i am opposed to any part of it. i agree to its content a hundred percent . but because of the fact that i was not the only person whose polite message for Aghdashloo was censored by the Voice of America .

just a few minutes ago i visited a chatroom in which many people said the same thing. this is the democracy the USA is promising to the third world countries? they have the right to stifle you just because you do not like to be introduced as a terrorist nation to the world. because a two-bit actress has bartered her home-country with a few dirty dollars and you have objections.

aghdashloo is angry. she has every right to be angry. she is angry because she has to be an american underdog for the rest of her life and she has lost the respect of her compatriots after this role. so she tries to correct this big blunder by criticisig one of the dearest artists in the hearts of iranians. just like the mullahs. sometimes mullahs try to divert attention by accusing others to be spies and...

Marc Minaee
Googoosh.blog.com

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Anyhow, who really cares?

On Shohreh Aghdashloo's interview with Voice of America (move forward to 1:07:46) on Friday, April 29, 2005:

"Aghadash who?" by Saman from Tehran is a prime example of what is wrong with the Iranian mentality. Shohreh Aghdashloo is an actress. Her profession is acting. If she decides to take a role or not, it is her choice. We as people living in America, being Americans have freedom of choice. Likewise, Aghadashloo has a right to forgive or not forgive anyone she wants to.

I would like to remind Aghadashloo, who is a Muslim, that forgiveness is a cornerstone of Muslim belief. Googoosh also lives and does business in the United States. Gogoosh is working under American law. If Gogoosh wishes to answer Aghadashloo's comments or not is her business.

Anyhow, who really cares? No one really listens to Voice of America in the United States. Most people in the U.S. don't even know where Iran is.

I once watched Aghadashloo's program on a satellite channel called Jam-e Jam which broadcasts from L.A. She was co-hosting with a fat Iranian female. Her show was so boring I wrote her an email. I told her that she should reformat her show and make it like "Jerry Springer".

The next time I saw her show she went on about my email for 15 minutes with her fat Iranian co-host. She was so enfuriated. At the end of her angry response she said that maybe Jake needs to see a psychiatrist. But it was Aghadashloo who was shaking like a leaf.

I have since forgiven Aghadashloo and converted to Shia Islam. I also pray to Allah that her fat Iranian co-host starts excercising. In retrospect, maybe I was too tough on Aghadashloo.

Jacob "Abd ul-Aziz" Cohen

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