THE IRANIAN: Movie reviews

* Planet of the Apes

PG-13
Starring Mark Wahlberg, the great Helena Bonham Carter &Tim Roth, with cameos by Kris Kristofferson and Charlton Heston

The story: Science-fiction action-adventure about a future astronaut who crash-lands on a planet where the rulers are a society of evolved, speaking apes, who want to exterminate the caveman-like humans. A remake of 4 earlier films.

My thoughts: Spectacular, but it's really for kids -- especially the corny dialogue. The underlying theme is that people of different races should "just get along". Helena Bonham Carter as the sensitive kind ape, and Tim Roth as the evil malicious general ape are brilliant.

* Various

America's Sweethearts is one the worst comedies I have ever seen. I give it zero points. It is not funny and resembles old Iranian movies.

Moulin Rouge is an excellent movie and very musical, however, I wished Nicole Kidman didn't sing-- she gave me headaches and so did the repetition of the same songs over and over!

Pearl Harbor is one of the most boring movies ever made.

To Bridget Jones's Diary I give four points. I liked the movie and the music too.

Sheema Kalbasi

* Galapagos (IMAX)

Showing at IMAX large-screen cinemas only

Some 160 years after Charles Darwin's visit to the unique island chain that inspired him to formulate the theory of evolution, we now have a chance for a "virtual" visit which is truely breathtaking. Giant tortoises and iguanas, and a dive 3,000 feet under the sea shows us a rarely visited and distinctive haven of life. For more about the film >>> GO HERE

Amir Khosrow Sheibany

* America's Sweethearts (1)

PG-13
Starring Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julia Roberts, Billy Crystal, John Cussack, Stanley Tucci, Hank Azaria, Seth Green and cameos by Christopher Walken and Alan Arkin.

The story: Luke-warm romantic comedy about a fighting, divorcing Hollywood-star-couple who need to pretend they're together again for the sake of the studio and their careers. Maybe the ex-husband really loves his ex-wife's plain sister?

My thoughts: Very cheaply made - the scenes are all filmed at a luxury desert hotel and in the studio. Its ideal for teenagers, but I had hoped that with such great screen talent it would've been better. Maybe Julia Roberts should have had a bigger part, or maybe John Cussack wasn't convincing or hunk enough of a romantic match with either goddess, Zeta-Jones or Roberts? See other review

* America's Sweethearts (2)

PG-13
Starring Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julia Roberts, Billy Crystal, John Cussack, Stanley Tucci, Hank Azaria, Seth Green and cameos by Christopher Walken and Alan Arkin.

A total waste of time! Wish I had fallen asleep this time.
See other review

Jahanshah Javid

* The Sopranos (video)

HBO/TV Series
R-rated for extreme violence, sex and bad language - not for children.

The story: Drama about a modern day Italian-American Mafia family in New Jersey. The main character, big tough Tony Soprano, secretly goes to a psychiatrist because he's been having fainting spells brought on by acute anxiety attacks - being a mob boss can be very stressful (!). His Catholic wife likes the expensive house and clothes, but detests his career choice. His nubile 'princess' daughter and video-game-loving younger son cause the same trouble as other normal teenagers their age. His dying old mother and old uncle give him a lot of stress too. And his nephew. And his co-workers. And his many businesses - legit and illegal. All he wants to do is have a good family life and help his friends - but he's also a killer.

Real-life mobsters, the FBI and many in Hollywood have reportedly said that the series is very realistic and one of the best, and it has become one of the most talked-about shows ever on television, and it has gathered an adoring cult following. HBO gained millions of extra subscribers because of it! Its very different from "Analyze This!" with Billy Crystal, and, in my opinion, better than the "Godfather" series.

My thoughts: A++ ... the absolute best thing that's EVER been on television - period. John Gandolfini is fantastic as the main character - and the others are incredible actors too. O! and the cutting-edge writing and the magnificent directing - what a joy!!! Sure, it glorifies organized crime, but the people who are killed are usually bad themselves. What the audience loves though is that its really all about complex scenarios, thrills and relationships. It has been totally addictive! I have watched every episode in the three series twice, and I've wondered, are there any cultural and behavioral similarities between Italians and Iranians?

* The Perfect Storm

PG-13
Scenes of swordfish getting caught and cut, and scarey ocean
Starring George Clooney and Mark Wahlenberg

The story: Strong brave fisherman just trying to make a living off the coast of Massachusetts are caught by a mixture of pride and bad luck in the real nasty 1991 "Storm of the Century". It is definately NOT only just about a 'big wave' at the end of the film! Its about hard-working, real-life, simple-folk heroes who risk their lives at sea.

My thoughts: Gripping, exciting, moving, and kinda scarey, its one of the best films ever, because its well acted, well directed and has great realistic special effects. It shows you the minds of good earthy people as if you were there with them. Sure, its a little bit 'red-necky', but that's OK, and the music is very fitting. The mystique of the vast deep ocean and the frightening power of hurricanes is magnificently drawn. It makes you care about every precious life, and happy that you live in dry safety.

* The Score

R-rated for bad language, but it should have been a PG-13
Starring Robert De Niro, Ed Norton, Angela Bassett and Marlon Brando

The story: Low-action drama where old thieves join together with a cocky young one to do one last big robbery from a Canadian government building, using some high-tech gizmos.

My thoughts: Very cheaply made in boring Canada, the first half-sent me to sleep (hello Jahanshah!). Its a shame that such fine actors were wasted on such a poor unoriginal script - Bassett was hardly noticeable as De Niro's unchallenging girlfriend - though I have to admit they acted their roles well and interacted together professionally. But the film lacked continuous action and it needed more sophisticated gizmos. And why does De Niro, in all his films, like to repeat his lines so much - its nauseating!? Many earlier films have done this tired formula better.

* Saving Grace (video)

R-rated for pot-smoking and language
Starring Brenda Blethyn and Craig Ferguson (the Englishman from The Drew Carey Show)

The story: Light British comedy about a middle-aged village woman (Mrs Grace) who needs to be saved from bankruptcy. Her pot-smoking gardener gives her a hint of how she can quickly make lots of money to pay off her debts.

My thoughts: Brilliant, very clever, and so totally against the mainstream that its wonderful! Ms Blethyn deservedly got an Oscar nomination for best actress - and should have won: she's a better actress than all of the current movie stars out there. Hasn't everybody at one time wondered what it would be like to do something illegal just to get some quick cash?

* Cats & Dogs

Action/Adventure, Comedy and Kids/Family. 1 hr. 33 min.
Rated PG for animal action and humor.

This filn had a lot of potential. The trailer was so good that I thought it could be a big hit. Well, it was a big hit, sorta. But it still stunk! The Persian cat was cute though... :-)

The first half an hour was funny. But it just got too silly. And yes, I fell asleep. Didn't miss much...

Jahanshah Javid

* Cabaret (video)

Musical made in 1970something
Starring Liza Minelli
Directed by Bob Fosse

For a few years, "Cabaret" has been a hit revival Broadway show. I finally got around to seeing it recently. It really was fantastic. However, there was something missing. So I re-rented the movie version made back in the 70s by Bob Fosse, starring Liza Minelli and Michael York. The film has really stood the test of time. No matter how fabulous it was to be sitting at little Cabaret tables at the renovated Studio 54, it still doesn't compare to the movie.

First of all, the perfectonism of Bob Fosse, his editing, his humour, his dance and song staging, are unequalled. From the first frame of the movie where the satanic master of ceremonies of the kit kat club "wilkommes" the audience to the last frame where he bids us "adieu", you are transported in the decadent decaying society of pre-World War II Berlin.

The stage of the macabre cabaret mirrors the terrible events happening outside, the rise of the Nazi party and the start of open discrimination against Jews. There is so much irony when Joel Grey (the Master of Ceremonies) invites the audience to forget their troubles from "outside" and enjoy the cabaret where "life is beautiful". In fact, the musical and dance numbers on stage are as grotesque and sickening as what is happening on the streets outside.

Liza Minelli simply "is" Sally Bowles: She gives an outstanding performance and fans of Judy Garland will enjoy hearing in Liza's voice echoes of her mom's incredible range. (It's in the genes!) I think even people who normally stay away from musicals will enjoy this one, for the theme and story deal with dark as well as lighter subjects. The best number which you will no doubt be humming for a few days after is "Money".

I give it a whole truckload of "anars" :o)

Kasra

* Princess and the Warrior

German with English subtitles
Rated R for disturbing images, language and some sexual content
Starring: Franka Potente, Benno Furmann, Melchior Beslon, Marita Breuer and Joachim Krol
Directed by Tom Tykwer

I fell asleep half-way through the film. But that's not a reflection on this beautiful, sensitive film. Absolutely not. This strange love story grabbed me from the very first scene... until I fell asleep. I really didn't mind missing the ending. Unforgettable. See details here

Jahanshah Javid

* High Fidelity (video)

R-rated for adult situations
Starring John Cusack

The story:Light romantic comedy about a nice young Chicago man who ponders the reasons why all his relationships end with the women leaving him. He reflects, deliberates, self-analyzes and tracks down his ex-girlfriends to ask them the reasons why so he can become a better man. How will he handle the truth?

My thoughts: Don't most men think the same about their ex-girlfriends? Is it mostly his fault - or hers? This is a sweet, well-written/acted tale of modern male/female wants, needs and reactions. Kinda thought-provoking (ahem!).