 Too late?
I wonder what it would have been like had I lived and grown up in Iran
-- the country I was born in
By Azadeh Ensha
October 15, 2002
The Iranian
I feel such a disconnect from my Persian heritage. I was born at the height
of the Iranian Revolution. Fortunately, because my family had the means to do so,
we were able to seek refuge in the United States where I have since lived. Only now
am I beginning to realize what the tradeoff means.
Yes, I am Persian. Even if I do not consciously walk around with that fact in mind,
I am constantly reminded of it at the beginning or end of any new conversation with
a stranger when they ask me the inevitable "Where are you from?" question.
I hardly ever say that I'm Iranian, using the moniker Persian instead, because to
me Iran represents something corrupt, dirty, and oppressive. Persia, by contrast,
represents the glory days of culture and pride.
Living in the United States allowed me to shut off the dirty Iranian part of myself.
I did not have to worry about the fate of my fellow Iranians back home who were struggling
to live in an oppressive regime, fighting for things that I had so easily been granted
simply by crossing the Atlantic.
Instead, I was preoccupied with Nintendo, and all the consumer crap that is so plentiful
here in the United States. I was spoiled. Now, this is not to say that I would rather
have been living in Iran at the time, or even now if you want to know the truth.
But I wish I would have been more conscientious of their plight. I wish I would have
been more Iranian.
Back here in the States, and specifically in Los Angeles where I grew up and where
there is a large Iranian community, I see the privileged kids riding around in their
BMW's or "beamers" as they are so affectionately called, buying their trendy,
designer clothes with mommy and daddy's credit cards, and walking around seemingly
oblivious about the state of affairs in their native country. And even if they are
aware, they are only passively so. I can't say that I am any better for although
I do not have a BMW or a rabid inclination to occupy my time shopping for the latest
"it" items, I, too, have not been active in any social matters.
 When I compare the two worlds, those Iranians or Iranian-Americans
living in the states with native Iranians living at home, I see two different realities.
This is not to say that the kids back home don't buy Nintendo games and buy designer
clothes. They do. The issue is larger than these superficial diversions. Their lives
seem different from mine in a way that I will never understand because I am not Iranian.
I am Iranian-American, with the emphasis on the second of those two connectors.
Sometimes I just sit and wonder what it would have been like had I lived and grown
up in the country I was born in. I'm saddened by the fact that my proficiency in
Farsi is not on par with my English skills, and that I can read the scholarly works
of authors in English, but not those in Farsi, of which there are many interesting
and wonderful works to be enjoyed. Maybe I should have paid more careful attention
in Farsi class. Is it too late to start now?
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