June 26, 2005
iranian.com

Ask Shokooh about your problem
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QUESTION
Religious wife is no fun

Dear Shokooh:

I am a 45-year-old Iranian male living in America for most of my life. I recently married a 24-year-old girl from Iran. She had spent all her life in Iran and was brought up in a conservative family. I, on the other hand, am very liberal and like to explore new things and navigate in the un-chartered territories. Specifically, my problem is that I would like to engage in non-conventional sex. But she resists me with all the traditional and religious taboo-like pretexts she had been taught growing up.

I have had multiple relationships with multiple women sometimes at the same time and I am used to having various forms of sexual acts. But, when I decided to get married, I thought it would be a good idea to marry a pure person. That’s why I decided to marry someone from Iran. But, after a short while I started missing the kinds of things I used to do with other women. I want those liberal sexual adventures! This problem is becoming so big that I am afraid our marriage is about to fall apart.

I was just wondering if you could shed some light on my predicament.

Yours Truly,

Cyrus

REPLY

Dear Cyrus,

Sometimes, when we are mired in a life situation, things become so chaotic that it is difficult to see. The simple becomes complex, the clear becomes blurry, and the obvious becomes obscure.

I think the best I can do to shed light on your predicament is summarize the issue and suggest that you read my summary many, many times. Here it is:

* You are a sexually unconventional man who thought it was a good idea to marry a much younger “pure” woman who is “traditional and religious.” Now, you are upset because she doesn’t want to engage in liberal sexual adventures with you.

* Think hard about that. In fact, read it aloud a couple times.

I believe the best next step for you and your wife is to seek the assistance of a licensed therapist qualified in marital counseling. A therapist can help guide you towards a better understanding of yourself while creating a safe and open place for you and your wife to have a frank discussion about your sexual preferences. This conversation sounds like it is long overdue.

I wish you and your wife much luck,

Shokooh

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About
Shokooh Miry is a doctoral student in clinical psychology.

Shokooh welcomes your questions on any psychological issue. Please note that this column is for educational purposes only -- it is not a substitute for medical attention, counseling, or therapy of any kind. Shokooh and the staff of this website urge you to seek immediate medical attention if you are in a difficult or potentially dangerous situation.

All urgent matters should be handled by calling 9-1-1 or going to the nearest hospital emergency room. Also remember that Shokooh will keep your letters strictly confidential -- unless you discuss hurting yourself or others, in which case she is obligated to contact the authorities." Top