Lady Rose
A short story
Ghazi
Rabihavi
August 8, 2005
iranian.com
Everyone knows me, all the policemen, my head’s
trimmed down to the scalp, I wear the crimson jumper knit by your
hands,
as soon as I see one of their cars I begin to run, in the rain
or the blaze of the summer sun I run with my very scraps of strength
though I have hardly any strength but there’s really nothing
else I can do must find you, you can’t see the flowers in
my hands but their scent may sink into the ground with the rain
and may reach you, will reach you, and they, the policemen who
are sometimes many sometimes few, use every chance they get to
make fun of me, the minute they see me in a quiet street, they
step on the gas and accelerate, I run after them, they slow down,
I run, I come to within a few paces of them, they drive slowly,
I run, they suddenly step on the gas again and pull away, I run,
they think I want to touch the windshield on their car, they look
at me, they laugh, between the laughter they scrape their noses
on the barrels of their guns for me to see, I run, but I’m
not running to touch their car, no, it’s so that I can see
where their headquarters are, to find out where they’ve taken
you, oh, if only, on that night, when I still had the strength
to run, I’d reached you in time to see where they were taking
you, I didn’t see, I didn’t reach you, I lost the car
midway, I fainted, a few frosts ago, I was running and no one saw
me but you, a pile of crumpled blackness behind the glass, you
wouldn’t look at me, the image of the branches in street
slid over you, was it the branches that shivered on the glass or
was there a trembling in the opening of your chador? The trembling
of the chador meant that you were looking but your bulging-eyed
friend, the cause of my miserable quest, didn’t see me though
he sat opposite you, he couldn’t see me, or he saw me but
didn’t recognise me, just like the park he didn’t recognise
me, like years before, when he glanced at me for a moment with
disdain, I decided then that I would sting him in some way, I’ve
changed my mind now since I haven’t any sting left, even
before I opened the door I never really had any sting I said ‘We
don’t have any early birds here’ Madam said ‘You
good for nothing. It’s cause you sleep till noon that you
think an eight o’clock customer is an early bird’ There
were another two bangs of the knocker, it was so hot and humid
I could hardly think, three short soft bangs, as if the knocker
had been stirred by the wind, you were sitting in front of the
mirror, chewing mastic and painting your eyelids with kohl I took
the wet cloth from Madam’s desk and threw it on the line
I picked up the broom and said ‘Whoever it is, the other
ladies may have opened but we’re still closed’ Madam
lifted the soles of her foul shoes one at a time and placed them
on the rim of the chair she scraped her heels and said ‘Too
bloody right, they’re not as fucking pleased with themselves
as we are’ She was sneering and at you who were my lady at
that but you only laughed and I got really mad I said ‘Look
Madam, you saw how I cleaned the chairs one by one’ Madam
said ‘Stop screeching, you stupid chimp’ Then three
more bangs Madam stepped behind her desk with the ruffles in her
red and white dress she blew across the top of the desk as if to
criticise my work I answered with the usual stiff grin, you said ‘Well,
so? Are you going to open the door my little cockroach or not’ You
were talking to me and you laughed, I was crazy about your laugh,
Madam rearranged the bracelets on her arms I wanted to open the
door and drive away whoever it was with the broom but instead I
just let it drop I never let the customers see me with the dustpan
and broom I opened the door a man stood there his figure so huge
it blocked my view of the street his eyes kept darting back towards
the yard I turned my head and saw that your shoulders were bare,
oh God, my heart sank to the ground I said ‘You desperate
for a pee or what, why don’t you go and relieve yourself
in the other street’ I meant to slam the door but he tripped
forward and came inside you smiled the man turned and eyed me up
and down it was as though he wanted to spit at me I felt on fire
with the need for revenge a rush of poison ran through my every
vein you slid through the curtain with your mastic and kohl, the
man’s seemed clean and smart he wore a grey suit with a white
shirt, when he came the next week he was the first again you fell
in love with him damn, that asshole of a motorcyclist is splattering
my jumper with sprays of mud and snow those nights when you were
knitting the jumper you used to pull up your shoulders with joy
and say ‘He’s great’ But he wasn’t cause
he had a big face and long hair with strands of white recognising
him in the sunset park was a real art, no one could do it other
than me he just sat slumped on the bench and stared at the gate
and he smoked, his face was wrinkled he wore the same grey suit
but all threadbare now the shirt too was still the same, no, black,
when he took off his hat I saw he had had his hair trimmed down
to the scalp just like me because of you, that’s how you
wanted me to look, you liked it, when my hair grew long it put
you in a terrible mood you’d say ‘You look like a wild
black cockroach now’ I’d dash off to the barber and
have my head shaved then I would lay my head on your feet again
at night you ran your hands over my bristly scalp and talked you
would tease me and say ‘You rascal, what were you up to hanging
around Sarah’s house again?’ You knew it got on my
nerves to hear you say that, I’d say ‘She just wanted
to have a chat I didn’t want to’ You laughed, you weren’t
like any of the other ladies I knew you were everything to me you
were there from the moment i first opened my eyes with the tiny
freckles on your breasts as if someone had shaken fingers dripping
with pomegranate juice over your chest, years later you covered
up your breasts from me, the years when I learned to open up tins
and bottles by myself the Madams used to change every three or
four years they used to die or go away either way it was the same
but you were always there I used to say ‘Tell me about the
time you found me again’ You’d say ‘I was feeling
so sad and lonely that night, it was so bad I kept saying oh God,
what am I to do I began walking down the endless street with the
moon following me step by step or I was following the moon with
every step, I arrived at the river I sat on the jetty I looked
around there wasn’t even one boat not a single boat you could
look at and hope I was cracking sunflower seeds between my teeth
the river was low I heard the sound of a woman’s moans I
was scared I stood up I saw a shark that had been washed up on
shore it was moaning just like a woman with labour pains I felt
so sorry for the beast I jumped onto the shore it looked at me
pleadingly then a bare bottomed baby fell out of its jaws on the
mud the shark died I was so terrified oh God it wasn’t the
shark that was moaning I picked up the baby it was you oh’ I
would pull my head up higher rub it along your breastbone and say ‘But
I don’t like that stupid guy either his bulging eyes or his
lamppost height’ You would look into my eyes the sound of
your breaths it was wonderful then you didn’t chew mastic
or paint your eyes with kohl the nights you spent with me you used
to say ‘If he and his lamppost height could pull a stranded
shark out of this blazing hell into the water oh God I adore him
so’ You didn’t cry you weren’t the crying type
I could tell you were in love with the guy but you weren’t
the kind of lady who lost her head the minute she fell in love
and started crying and lighting cigarette after cigarette I said ‘Then
your wish would come true you’d go and pay a pilgrimage to
Imam Reza and His pigeons’ You said ‘Oh God I adore
His pigeon’ I said ‘That type of guy is two a penny
all they ever do is prowl around the streets he hangs out around
Sarah’s house as well’ You said ‘There are some
things that are different from all the other ones like themselves
my darling bit of charcoal’ Then your hand slid along under
my shirt and stroked my chest I didn’t say anything cause
I meant everything to you if you didn’t see me one night
you couldn’t sleep you used to stroke my head every night
before you slept then you used to slap me on the chest laughingly
and say ‘Get lost now’ I went to sleep I’d go
but I could come and lie next to you whenever I liked even if you
were fast asleep but on that vile ill-omened night oh God it’s
come back to me again a thousand curses on that memory I know it’ll
never leave me in peace especially whenever I start running after
those cars again, the memory of that first night when the car was
disappearing and i was running after it haunts me as well you’d
never treated me like that before there’d never been a night
without me you said ‘Tonight I’m going to leave you
alone with Madam to see if you’ve grown up or not’ I
said ‘Am I supposed to keep an eye on her false teeth?’ Then
I laughed but you didn’t you said ‘I mean it feel like
going out tonight’ I said ‘What time you back’ You
said ‘Tomorrow at noon’ Oh God my mouth went all dry
I said ‘You thinking of running away’ Before closing
it you put the jumper in the bag as well along with some crimson
wool you said ‘What did you say?’ I said ‘Some
of the ladies here dream of running away and now you’ You
threw arms round my neck pulled my head to your chest and said ‘Without
you? How stupid can you get? Ok I’ll come back in the morning’ I
said ‘But how can a night end and a morning down without
you’ You looked into my eyes your lips trembled you said ‘Let
me go please’ I said ‘Go, what do I care I’ll
just go and have a good chat with Sarah she’s been asking
for me anyway and don’t waste your time taking the jumper
cause you won’t be doing any knitting tonight’ You
put on your black chador your face made up to the hilt and out
you went the chador slid to your shoulders a couple of times I
stood staring at your beautiful brown hair then you disappeared
down the street like black shell I turned back you couldn’t
even cry in front of that last Madam we had I locked myself in
the toilet but crying seemed to do me no good I paced around for
a couple of hours I didn’t go to Sarah’s house what
would I be doing there anyway I went up to the rooftop and gazed
at the city’s lights but all I wanted was to know which house
you were in I started feeling tired Madam had gone to sleep I went
to your room and lay down on your bed where I could smell your
scent but it was mixed up with the foul smell of men I went back
into the yard and sat by the little pool I began singing but Madam
wouldn’t let me be she kept coming out and saying ‘What
the devil are you howling about?’ It only took a fart to
wake Madam up all kinds of thoughts kept spinning in my head I
could picture you in that guy’s room oh God I wish I didn’t
remember it any more the most terrible night of my life ended at
last but there was still no sign of you I put my clothes on hardly
knowing which way to turn I thought to myself when you came back
I’d say I was just waiting for my jumper although the collar
hadn’t been finished yet then I would just slip away I moped
around like that until ten I kept staring at the front door but
there wasn’t any sign of you I don’t know what came
over me I just thought To hell with the jumper and I stepped outside
a small crowd was passing through the street carrying banners that
were green and black a couple of people with torches in their hands
dashed out of one alley into another as if running away from a
place they had set on fire or running towards a place that they
planned to set on fire I was sleepy I went to a cinema but couldn’t
concentrate I was all on fire I made up my mind never to go home
again when the film was over I came out of the cinema there was
a smell of burning tyres in the air I had some lunch and went to
the stadium I had to hang around for a few hours until the match
began I clapped and cheered whenever either side scored a goal
the people sitting next to me were so annoyed I had to change my
seat the match ended at sunset I strolled around in the street
again till I found a nice green square I lay down on the grass
and kept praying I wouldn’t have to go back to you I was
thinking I’d set out tomorrow to find a proper job then I’d
come back for a visit in a few years with my pockets full as I
was thinking this I fell asleep you had on a green chador and were
running through a starry field then you reached me as I lay dying
from thirst in a salty desert you laughed you ripped open the front
of your dress and put one of the stars on your breast into my mouth
I sucked on it tasted of mastic there was the sound of clanging
swords all around I wanted to stand up you said ‘Lie down’ I
lay down a herd of horses with stamping hooves came out from beneath
the salt a shining unsheathed cut your forehead in two I woke with
a jolt no one was standing over me in the grass people were running
I rubbed my eyes smoke was rising somewhere in the distance I realised
I shouldn’t be sleeping there I began walking away calmly
my hands in my pockets the people who were carrying torches started
coming closer they were happy one of the men shouted ‘This
kid is from there’ I was startled and drew back they ran
I ran it began raining I turned into the back alleys they lost
me I was soaked from head to toe I managed to get to our street
it was on fire a few ladies in slips ran past me in the rain screaming
the ladies in a few houses were throwing half burnt blankets and
mattresses out of their front doors the streets had turned all
black there were still a few small fires smouldering under the
rain I was running towards our house towards you but you weren’t
there fire was swallowing up the only remaining part of your bed
I tried to pull out your suitcase but had to escape to get away
from the smoke I ran outside my crimson jumper was hanging on the
line I hugged it was wet I leaned against the wall my teardrops
fell on the jumper there was no sign of you night fell it hadn’t
stopped raining the street was full of burnt debris half burnt
mattresses women’s clothes leather chairs I was alone in
the street with the rain I began to walk there was nobody left
who could tell me about you I slumped against a wall and pulled
on my wet jumper it was autumn I didn’t sleep a wink till
morning came the rain had stopped the people carrying torches returned
their heads and faces were covered now I took a few steps back
and leapt on the wall I pulled myself up but one of the men rushed
me and grabbed my legs then I was being carried over their heads
I was moving up and down as if on a wave they threw me in the middle
of the street though unconscious I could hear their jeers when
I felt no more pain and sank deep into the mist that was swirling
round my naked body then there was nothing other than darkness
like now the same colour as their windshield dark frozen mirror
that flickers in my view and the shape of the arching bridge emerging
slowly in the darkness drop by drop my breath is draining away
when I reach the bridge I’ll fall unconscious by one of its
pillars coming to at midnight I found myself in the middle of a
salty desert I saw the city in the distance I realised several
days had gone by I ran and felt a searing pain in my wounds pain
a pain like the pain of all my years like now a frozen night I’m
running after their car and my image, no, my shadow reflected on
the wet lead fences in the middle of the street runs beside me
I reached the iron gate of the street and the big yellow lock I
spent many days prowling round there till the night fell I was
looking for you but you weren’t there I didn’t know
what to do where to go all did was to sleep in street corners at
night and look for you during the days i spent so many years just
wandering around like that till one evening I saw him the cause
of my misery the reason for my endless quest if it hadn’t
been for him I’d have stayed at home I’d never have
let your clothes burn I wouldn’t have let you lose me if
it wasn’t for him but it was him crumpled on the bench I
was walking around like every evening and staring at all the women’s
faces I never looked at the men I never looked I never look then
I felt tiered and lay down on the grass and I saw him he was waiting
smoking a few minutes later two men came about the same age as
him middle aged they started walking I followed them they crossed
the street and turned into an alley they reached the house of your
lamppost height friend but his back was bent now and he walked
with shuffling feet he took out his key and opened the door he
pushed the two men inside then he stood around for a while making
sure no one was looking I was in the darkness at the end of the
alley when he was certain there was no one he went in he does this
every evening with all sorts of men, a few nights later he took
two scrawny old men I let an hour go by so that they’d start
doing what they oughtn’t to do then I slid into a phone booth
I said ‘Hello there’s a suspicious house here’ They
said ‘You are?’ I said ‘I am?’ Was I asking
myself or them? They asked me for the address and I gave it to
them I don’t remember how long it took for the police car
to get there it pulled up front they knocked and went inside they
first brought out the old men one of them was in his undershirt
they were both scared they sat in the car a few of the neighbours
poked out their heads then they brought out your friend with the
bulging eyes a few passer-by stopped to look and that gave me the
courage to move closer your lamppost-height friend said to the
neighbours ‘You tell them, isn’t
this my wife?’ One of the policemen said ‘Shut the
fuck up’ Then they brought the woman out she was covered
in a black chador I smelt mastic and drew back as she moved behind
me towards the car her chador slipped down to her shoulders her
short hair was an ugly black it made me cringe one of the policemen
said ‘Hey woman, cover yourself up’ She pulled her
chador back on then laid her forehead against the car your long
legged friend said ‘If you don’t believe me take a
look at my marriage certificate’ Nobody paid any attention
to him all the policemen were back in the street they shut the
door behind them and pushed the man and woman into the car from
the back door they got in themselves and car began to move it headed
in my direction I pulled myself back into the dark the car went
past the man and woman sat opposite one
another behind the glass the man was talking to them but the woman
had put her head down
it was as the car passed under the street lamp that I saw you looked
at me through the opening in your chador only for an instant a
tremor pierced through me my legs almost gave out it was you in
the car it put on more speed the tar was as soft as grass under
my feet it kept wanting to suck me in the car was moving howling
I was running my wounds pounding with pain at a big crossroad in
the town centre I ran out of breath and fell a car braked next
to my broken body it was midnight I saw the shadow of two men who
pulled me off the tar and laid me back against the pavement then
silence until sunrise I stood up and stared at the crossroad but
I’ve never managed to remember which way the police car turned
so you see there’s really nothing else I can do but run and
now everyone knows me they too that I’m running to reach
the place they took you to before my aim in running was to see
you I’d vowed that when I reached their base I would just
sit there and cry till they took pity and let me see you for an
instant at least for an instant but now since I saw your picture
in the paper I suppose when they put the noose round your neck
you thought of me and the moment when they kicked the stool from
under your feet I think of you too Lady Rose you were the best
lady in the world and you can be sure that if my running ever bears
fruit and I get there I’ll come to see you every evening
with a bunch of flowers if I ever reach their headquarters and
discover they’ve buried you in which p-a-r-t...
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