October 16, 2004
Colorido went into the store to buy a pack of peanuts. Inside, he forgot why
he was there and ended up staring at the candy bars that lined the aisle. Then
he started thinking about his ex-girlfriend, which inevitably lead to the candy
bar theory of breakups playing out in his head. A thin slick of saliva started
to spread across his bottom lip; it was about to fall off when he came to and
left the store without buying anything.
The time that he was due for a call had passed; forget that bitch.
He headed for the bookstore instead, looking for a book covering
a mysterious subject that he could discover. His stomach was cold
and clammy; he had to use the bathroom but ignored his bowels anyway.
He was so determined to do exactly as he pleased exactly when he
pleased, he couldn't be bothered by the weight of his own
body's needs. Instead, he bought a magazine headlining a
rapper that he sort of liked and left the store, heading towards
Even though his body was pleading with him, he took
the long way, around the windy suburban blocks of the neighborhood,
passing the cul-de-sac where that attractive girl lived. He didn't
bother to pause and take a look to see if she was there because
if he stopped walking that meant less time to legitimately relieve
It was sweltering outside and there wasn't a cloud in the
sky or a tree with good shade to give him a moment of calm; only
coldness from the weight of his stomach. He couldn't stop
now even if he had wanted to. Why didn't he go at the bookstore?
He bought the shitty magazine, and for what now, he had almost
read all the big articles while he was flipping through it. It
was mostly advertisements. He had let himself be robbed of nearly
five dollars, with little to no compensation besides the models
in the advertisements.
Colorido was paling and sweating with the
anticipation of painful death. He began to look around, expecting
his house to pop out at him; he still had a full five minutes
of walking at the normal, unaffected rate before he could even
it to the front door. It was the end of the world. Right there,
standing in the middle of the sunny street, he shat himself.
He put his hands on his hips to make it easier, closing his eyes
finally enjoying the warmth of the sun on his face. His sweat
trickled down his temple and for a full five seconds his face flushed
a smile of relief.
His cell phone rang, and suddenly he found
himself plastered on the asphalt, surrounded by stables full
and Toyotas. Somehow, still bent over, he forced his hand into
his jean pocket and flipped open the phone. She was pouring
out her heart to him and all he could make out was the unbearable
smell growing out of the bottom of his jeans.